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Stillness


Yesterday was one of the rare days in a long time that I spent a lot of time at home; that too, alone. In fact I don’t remember the last time I did that.

On weekdays, after my job, I have rehearsal for some play or the other. So I reach home late at night. Since I am available for rehearsals only for a couple of hours on weekdays, most of my weekend time is spent in extra rehearsals. Then there is housework to catch up on and also weekly shopping, some tasks. Consequently, I hardly ever spend time at home.

It is not as if I lazed around all day yesterday. I just woke up reasonably late for me to feel that I had made good use of my Sunday :) TH went out for some meetings, after breakfast. Then all day I pottered around the house. I loved being around the house. I like this new house we moved into at the beginning of October. It is spacious, bright and airy. I cleaned up a bit, baked a cake, read a script and had somebody over for a quick rehearsal (that never has a day off, does it ? :) ), watched TV, read a book. Then in the evening TH and I went out for a bit, did some shopping, met a friend, dropped in at my parents’ place and returned home well before our usual time.

I am, what I like to call, a weird mix of opposites. Usually I don’t feel satisfied until I’ve ‘done’ something, ‘achieved’ something. My day has to be full. Empty spaces in my day make me feel as if I am wasting my time or not doing enough. On the other hand there have been days when I have watched three movies back-to-back on the DVD player at home…in effect I have vegetated on the couch for a whole day ! Of course, such days have been few and far between. But normally, I love to be always on the move.

So ‘yesterday’ surprised the hell out of me. Not once did I feel restless about not ‘doing’ anything. All through the day I had a sense of stillness…and it was so good to feel that. Stillness, without even making an effort for it. For me to achieve stillness, and moreover feel good about it, is something remarkable !

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