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Showing posts from February, 2013

How to be an obnoxious audience member

Based on years of observation, I am beginning a “How to…” series. 
There is a humanitarian purpose in starting this series. I wish to educate and coach certain sections of society who, for lack of guidance, haven’t yet been able to join the “Become an insensitive member of society” movement (better known in its colloquial avatar as the “What do I effing care about anybody else but myself” movement).
So, without much-a-do, here’s the first in the series -
How to be an obnoxious audience member: Reach the performance venue late by a good 15 minutes. Do not keep your tickets handy. In fact, do not even read and remember your seat numbers. As soon as you enter the auditorium, start conversing loudly with whosoever is accompanying you about how to locate your seats. Fumble in your pocket / bag / wallet / purse and retrieve your tickets. Attempt to read them in the darkness of the auditorium. Then, realising that you can’t, search for and retrieve your cell phone and attempt to read the ticke…

Yes, I WILL judge you...

...lady driving the car too fast in heavy traffic with one pre-schooler in the back seat reading a book, a toddler in the front seat (NOT in a car seat or strapped to the seat with a seat-belt) chewing on a toy, ALL THE WHILE TALKING ON THE CELL PHONE !!!