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Everybody’s a doctor !

Reading this reminded me of a long-suppressed traumatic memory… err… OK… *drama-queen stops right in her tracks* … a not-so-suppressed, no-so-traumatic memory.

In college I would forever be suffering from a cold (and no, I have no idea why, and I do not wish to discuss theories of why it could have been so…sheesh ! can’t a girl complete her story in peace ?) So, I would usually wait it out. You know what they say…a cold will be cured in a week with medicines and in seven days without !

As it happened, in one such bout of cold, I had to attend a wedding in the family. So there I was, decked up in finery and sniffling away to glory with a cherry-red nose-tip ! Wedding = A thousand random relatives you haven’t met in ages and who want to know what you are up to in the finest details.
There’s only one conversation I had that day. Just multiply it by 1000 – once for each random relative - RR for short:
RR: So, how are you ? How’s your college going ?
ME: I’m fine. College’s OK. How are you ?
RR: Why is your voice sounding like that ? You have a cold ! (reacting as if a cold = cancer)
ME: Yes.
RR: Oh you poor thing ! (appropriate clucking noises accompanied by a very sympathetic expression) Listen, why don’t you _______ (here insert ANY remedy for cold that you can think of…even if it is the most common one that you would have already tried, or the most weird one that would make you feel ‘I don’t mind dying of a cold, but I’m not trying that’)
ME: Ya, I will, thanks...
Then ME pretends to hear someone shout her name, looks around, spots some other RR and rushes off saying,
ME: Oh ! There s/he is…I’ll be back…so nice talking to you after ages !
I was so out of breath running away from RRs in that wedding, and there was so much congestion in my mind listening to all the 'wonderful' and 'most effective' remedies that the next day my cold, in fact, worsened into a fever, which in turn was another great opportunity for all RRs and friends and neighbours to suggest (read: insist upon) their 'wonderful' and 'most effective' remedies for fever !
Lessons learnt ?
  1. A simple illness such as a Common Cold has 1000 remedies
  2. Don’t question / compare / discuss the remedies suggested (read: insisted upon) by anybody. In fact, don’t say a word...just nod, smile and in the end thank the person profusely…and then simply don’t do anything ;)
  3. Everyone knows 'the best' and / or 'the fastest' remedy
  4. Don’t attend weddings when you have a cold
  5. Better still, don’t have a cold
  6. The most important of them all, which happened to be the unanimous opinion of everybody present in that wedding – Doctors know nothing about a cold !


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