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Waiters – An in-depth study – Are they programmed or dim or both ?

Hypothesis: Waiters are either programmed or dim or both

The students: Yours Truly (YT) & TH (The Husband)

Prologue: YT has extremely low tolerance to hot food/beverages. This has often resulted in a burnt tongue/palate. Consequently, after being repeatedly taught a lesson (by the lord above), YT now takes due care to wait till her food/beverage is cold. In restaurants she orders her hot beverage with her food hoping that it will be served at the same time as the food, get cold till she finishes her food and thus she can enjoy it immediately after the food and at the same time as TH is enjoying his hot beverage. Added benefit: Precious time is saved.

Scenario One (in ye olden days):

YT & TH go to a restaurant. The Waiter (TW) comes to take the order.

YT / TH: “1 ‘dish1’, 1 ‘dish2’ and 1 tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood)”

TW: “And for you sir ?”

YT / TH: “We’ll tell that later”

TW: “OK. 1 tea, 1 ‘dish2’, 1 ‘dish1’.

YT / TH: “Perfect”

After some time

TW: “1 ‘dish2’ ?”. TH points to self

TW: “1 ‘dish1’ ?”. YT points to self

TW turns to leave

YT: “And the tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood) ?”

TW: “Tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood) ? I’ll get it”

After YT & TH finish ‘dish1’ and ‘dish2’, TW brings the tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood) and then politely asks,

TW: “For your sir ?” and then brings whatever ‘Sir’ orders, immediately.

Result: TH finishes his hot beverage. Then YT begins hers, since now it is cold enough to be drunk.

Life is a series of learning experiences ! So, after many many such experiences, YT thinks she has found a solution.

Scenario Two (more recent):

YT & TH go to a restaurant. TW comes to take the order.

YT / TH: “1 ‘dish1’, 1 ‘dish2’ and 1 tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood) and **stressing each word in the next part and gesticulates as well** Bring. It. All. Together. ... All. At. Once. OK ?”

TW nods and repeats the order, in reverse order, as all waiters do, and leaves.

(**Aside: Is it scientifically proven that you remember best when you repeat in reverse order ? If so, why are only waiters made aware of this technique ? In our education system, where learning ‘by-heart’ is a sure-fire way of ‘standing’ first in class, all kids must be made aware of it ! I protest !**)

After some time

TW: “1 ‘dish2’ ?”. TH points to self

TW: “1 ‘dish1’ ?”. YT points to self

TW turns to leave

YT: “**with irritation** and the tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood) ?”

TW: “You want it now ?”

YT: “**with a fierce politeness** Yes. I had told you so earlier, isn’t it ?”

TW: “OK. I’ll get it.”

After YT & TH finish ‘dish1’ and ‘dish2’, TW brings the tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood) and YT slaps her hand on her forehead. **The next portion of this post has been censored by the author since it involves strong language (used, of course, after TW has been dispatched to get what ‘Sir’ wants)**

So, now, clever, unrelenting and creative YT & TH have decided that the next time they go to a restaurant, they will first order only YT’s tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood) and as soon as TW sets down that cup on the table, they will order food and finally ‘Sir’ will order what he wants !

The study is in progress and results of the next experiment will be published in due course (only if they affirm the hypothesis) :)


Seema Smile said…
I face similar problems at almost all restaurants. They believe in serving stuff the way they want to and not to the taste of the lowly customers.
BTW, why are the waiters called so when we are ones waiting?
We should be called waiters and they the waitees!
The Wanderer said…
Very true. We, poor souls, are the waiters and they, the waitees ! There are so many other things as well. I could well write a book "101 tips and tricks of how to be the perfectly annoying waitee" ! :)
Diwakar Sinha said…
:) i have been made to take steaming milk and bournvita all my childhood...
so now hot tea/coffee is toh bayien haath ka khel :P
The Wanderer said…
Diwakar ! You poor thing ! Steaming hot ANYthing was always a No-No for me...and I consider milk in the NEVER category...though my opinion didn't count at all when I was in school...I had to drink it anyways !

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