Today a friend shared a quote by Nelson Mandela. It goes:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
I said to her that it’s an amazing thought but I’ll have to think a lot about this to understand it well, since I have always believed that inadequacy is one of my biggest fears.
Later I received a message from M that RR, the playwright of KK, will be conducting a workshop with all actors on Sunday. It scared the hell out of me. RR is highly accomplished and experienced; and he wants to do a workshop with the actors M has chosen for the play he has written. I’m sure there will be some expectations, some preconceived ideas about how M’s group will be, because of M’s reputation as a talented director. I am so stressed out thinking how not to let my inadequacy be exposed. I am frightened beyond belief. I called M to ask him what RR intended to do and he said he didn’t know. I am now in an even worse state of mind. If I knew, I could at least prepare myself…at least mentally. I don’t want to fail my team and M. My mind is spinning something crazy right now. I’m really, really stressed…tears in the eyes and all.
I don’t know why I fear this so much. Is it because I think too highly of myself ? Is it because I can’t bear to disappoint people I like ? Is it because I expect too much from myself ? Well, I have no answers for myself right now. All I understand is that I have to attain a lifetime of wisdom to be able to understand what Nelson Mandela said.
For me, my present truth is that being inadequate is one of my deepest fears !