Slices of my daily life

And we’re in 2012...

2012-01-06T12:28:00.003+05:30

So another one is archived to bring out later and reminisce about…all the good things and bad…to compare with the current one and, depending on the mindset at the moment, lament or rejoice.

For the last couple of years I have been feeling increasingly apathetic about New Year celebrations. Of course, I have celebrated with friends on some occasions and enjoyed it too, yet that happens only when initiated by others and my participation remains quite limited.

This year seems to indicate a pattern for the years to come. This year TH and I returned home from rehearsals for our new play at about 9:00 p.m., I made roast chicken, we enjoyed dinner with some good wine, listened to old songs, had comfortable and easy conversation and hit the sack by 12:30 a.m. I enjoyed the evening.

The next day TH and I discussed how we didn’t feel like being in bright, noisy places and were content to be by ourselves and at home too.

We think we might be getting older (and, hopefully, wiser) :)

P. S. Happy New Year to all ! Hope this year brings you much joy and peace :)

My Theories about Time

2011-11-18T19:22:00.003+05:30

Here are my time-transcending theories about time:

I) Time-Mathematics 101 - Speed of Time : Day of Week Ratio

where
SoT = Speed of Time
DoW = Day of the Week

The Speed of Time is inversely proportional to the Day of the Week.

Case in point: On Friday afternoon, time advances one inch per minute while on Sunday afternoon it advances one kilometre per second.

II) Time-Physics - Time transmogrifies* !

Time assumes different forms according to the Day of the Week.

Refer to the illustrations for an in-depth understanding of this concept.

Monday

Image Courtesy http://fattytantan.wordpress.com

Tuesday

Image Courtesy www.pinestreet.ca

Wednesday

Image Courtesy www.smafccp.org

Thursday

Image Courtesy http://rachelcreative.wordpress.com

Friday Morning

Image Courtesy www.marktoon.co.uk

Friday Evening

Image Courtesy www.abduzeedo.com

Saturday

Image Courtesy www.animalclipart.net

Sunday Morning

Image Courtesy http://buckeyepsych.wordpress.com

Sunday Evening

Image Courtesy www.stockphotos.it

So, finally my ‘time’ has come ! With this post, I am joining the ranks of the greats who have expounded on the topic of ‘Time’. (Takes a bow, waves to the audiences, mouths ‘Thank you, thank you’)

* Refer Calvin & Hobbes

Happy Diwali to All :)

2011-10-21T12:58:00.001+05:30

Image Courtsey: www.funonthenet.com

The office has holidays for the whole of next week and I'm off to celebrate Diwali by taking a much-desired vacation.

See you on the other side of Diwali with pictures and tales of the vacation.

Have fun you all and be safe and enjoy your Diwali :)

Revelation

2011-09-15T19:39:00.002+05:30

Its interesting how we engage our minds in complicated things all too quickly when there could be a simpler answer !

Really, what IS the purpose of life ?

2011-08-22T19:16:00.001+05:30

The one super-objective ? What is it ?

In our plays, we have a super-objective for each character for the timeline of the play…then for each scene…and that is the overall goal towards which you build up your character, your scene, your performance…you split it down to the tiniest fragments, feel it, understand it…then lend it meaning and appropriate emotion so that it is in tune with your super-objective…which you figure out when you read the script. Then the only struggle is to be able to get it in the correct measure…and be able to project it also. You know where to go and carving out the path is the task. Even the time available is specified.

Why do I have to figure out the super-objective for my life online…while I live ? What if I never do...or even worse, figure it out at the end when I won't be able to do anything about it ? What is the point of figuring out the super-objective after you stop doing shows of a play ? And till then, what ? Do I drift in the direction that each day, that day’s environment and the state of my mind and heart on that day take me ? Or do I make attempts to define something for myself and follow it ? And what if some thing happens to block that path ? Do I take a diversion and change paths ? Or do I keep struggling on that path trying to remove the obstacles and hoping that the struggle is for my true super-objective ? Or is all this just a myth…we are supposed to go along with whatever happens each day guided only by our quest for pursuing happiness, avoiding misery, self-preservation, and the basics – food & shelter, fear & procreation ?

Where is my script for life ?

That feeling of helplessness...

2011-06-18T11:35:00.000+05:30

Yesterday morning I left home later than usual, to go to office. It had been raining and the roads were wet and in some places slippery due to the mud. There was a massive traffic jam…actually bumper-to-bumper as they say. Due to the rains the vehicles were driving very slowly. Mercifully people’s tempers were quite calm and there was no honking or desperation to get ahead.

Suddenly I heard and ambulance siren in a distance. Usually whenever I hear an ambulance siren I get a little worried. The first thought that comes to my mind is ‘what are the people accompanying the patient, usually close relatives, going through at this moment?’. I make sure that I get out of the way as soon as possible and I have observed that so do all others on the road.

Today, however, when I heard the siren, I felt a lot more disturbed because I was acutely aware of the traffic jam. Very slowly the siren came closer and closer. I had already moved to the side of the road. Other vehicles too were trying to do the same. But, the traffic was really so packed that it was virtually impossible to make way. My anxiety started spiralling by the minute.

Now the ambulance was driving about 10 feet away, parallel to my motorcycle. At this point the traffic simply stopped moving…it was impossible to move. The ambulance started sounding an additional siren as well. I could see that people were trying to move away but couldn’t as there was no space at all. The two loud sirens made it amply clear how important it was for the ambulance to advance as quickly as possible. The road that we were on had no lanes or by-lanes through which the ambulance driver could take a detour.

At this point of time tears started streaming down my cheeks. I felt so helpless ! Those 5 minutes till the ambulance finally got a clear path to advance seemed like the longest 5 minutes ever to me. The strange thing is that I couldn't stop crying for a good 10 minutes after that.

Yesterday was one of those situations when things just aren't going right and it is nobody's fault really. You have no answers. It made me feel so helpless and frustrated !

‘Geographically challenged’

2011-04-11T19:01:00.000+05:30

I laughed my guts out while reading this.

Then I had another bout of laughter thinking of all the incidents that happen with me.

For a long time now I have known that I am, what I like to call, ‘geographically challenged’ :)

Situation 1 - If I go inside a building (happens mostly with residential buildings), then after I exit the lift (elevator) or come down the stairs, I cannot quickly locate the gate !

Situation 2 - If I am inside a building, I will routinely point in wrong directions to indicate places outside the building.

Situation 3 - I am presently at office. I have come here from home. Now I have to go to some place where I have always gone from home and never from office. What do I do ? I go home first and from there I go to that place. It doesn’t matter if it is a longer distance or takes more time. I have to do this, because simply have no mechanism to re-align my mental map to my present location !

Situation 4 - Another thing is that if I have come to your place in day time, I cannot find my way (even if I follow the exact same route) at night time. As it is it will take me at least two to three trips to a place to memorize the route. ONE route. (Refer to Situation 3 above) So, twice or thrice in light, twice or thrice at night, and then finally ONE route to a certain place will get fixed in my mind.

But there is a paradox…and it is HUGE !

Here’s the strangest thing – If I give anybody directions to any place, they can’t get lost even if they try. Really. Anybody who knows me will vouch for this. In fact I regularly receive compliments for this.

So my surmise is that nobody gives precise and detailed directions as I do. If anybody could match my direction-giving skills, I wouldn’t be geographically challenged ;)

Parking peeve !

2011-03-30T13:25:00.000+05:30

Yesterday morning I had gone to my Mom’s. When I was about to turn in the gate of the building, I noticed that somebody had parked a car in such a manner that it was blocking one-third of the entrance gate. I felt a flicker of irritation but since I was on my motor-cycle, it wasn’t blocking my way. But it would definitely cause a problem to a car trying to enter the gate.

As I turned in, I noticed an uncle in our building walking away from that car. I knew that it wasn’t his car. Then I suddenly noticed a white paper with red lettering stuck to the back glass of the car. It was simply the best ! I burst out laughing and also thought that this was a superb response…one that the car owner wouldn’t forget in a long time :)

It didn’t occur to me to take a photograph at the time. So I did a small drawing (as best as I can) in paintbrush and here it is for you to enjoy :)

Living dead ?

2011-03-24T20:21:00.000+05:30

If you no longer feel any emotion - positive or negative - for somebody who used to previously evoke some emotion in you, if neither knowing nor not knowing about them makes no difference to you, if you feel no desire to change this situation, then they are dead in your life, isn’t it ?

The balance of nature

2011-03-14T19:37:00.002+05:30

The Japan earthquake and tsunami managed to bring tears to my eyes. It is terrible to see the amount of damage…to humans, to property, to the landscape…to lives…and it will take ages to restore some sense of normalcy. Life as they knew it before this disaster is lost forever for all the affected people…those who are still alive. :(

Call me weird or naïve or stupid or un-informed or anything, but I really believe that we humans have managed to bring things to such a level where Nature has to act to restore the balance. How else does one explain the rise in the frequency of natural disasters and the increased intensity of the damage they cause each time they occur ?

The uncontrolled population increase over the centuries itself has been responsible in robbing the Earth of its natural resources. Add to it the greed of humans…we can’t take just as much as we need…we have to take more and hoard. We don’t think of preservation, of regeneration or of repaying what was taken. We cross the rational limits of progress where progress becomes harmful to the world we inhabit; And, on top of it all, we are stupid enough not to realise that this is the only home we know and our actions are gradually destroying it.

Ours is the species that should become extinct. Seriously !

Flying is magical !

2011-03-08T19:28:00.000+05:30

Yes, I know, I haven’t made an earth-shattering discovery…but on Sunday, I experienced it so deeply that I had to say it out loud.

I was returning from Delhi by flight. As the aircraft descended to land at the Pune airport, I was looking out of the window.

It wasn’t the first time I was in an aeroplane, but this time something felt different. The awareness was so acute and so high !

From a quilt of dark green, light green, mustard yellow, brown, ochre stripes intersected by grey undulating lines, the focus became sharper and I could see tiny houses, vehicles plying on the roads, bonsai trees, patches of green fields, and human dolls - a miniature city, in fact.

From so high up, the city looked so well-planned, neatly divided into square sections separated by roads and so clean ! The people on the vehicles, on the roads, just like a city of Little Tom Thumbs and Thumbelinas !

I felt as if I was playing the game SimCity !

In some way it felt like an out of body experience !

Birds have the best life !

Thank you The Wright Brothers !

Settling down

2011-03-07T19:43:00.000+05:30

Change is so daunting and one feels that one will never be able to realign oneself to the new situation. Yet, eventually, one does realign and adapt oneself to the changed reality. The world as you knew it before the change is definitely lost forever. Yet you learn to accept this fact and model yourself to the new world.

Here’s what has happened. Our company has been taken over. In our company the environment has always been very family-like. We have all been great friends of each other and quite into each other’s homes as well. In the face of adversity, most of us stuck together and fought it. Some, compelled by their personal priorities left. Now, we are down to less than half our strength…which number is less than 20. So we are all clinging on to each other and this family is more tightly-knit than it ever was. That’s the upside. Downside ? Loss of independence is the major one. All others are operational inconveniences – large and small – which we will gradually get (or have to get) accustomed to.

Contrary to what I expected of myself, I’m helping myself adjust to the new systems and feel less change related anxiety. Two things are definitely helping me in this…firstly the strong attachment with all colleagues and secondly the change in job profile which I am enjoying a lot :)

So, I’m doing fine.

P. S. Regular blogging will soon begin (in case anyone was wondering)

Another change…another move…

2011-02-09T19:40:00.000+05:30

There’s a big change happening on the work front…change of organisational composition, change of location and most importantly for me, change of profile. The change of profile is happening with my consent and I know I will struggle initially, but I welcomed the learning opportunity.

As my family and close friends will vouch, I am not particularly comfortable with big changes. I too have always known my resistance to change and also recognised the need to learn to accept changes, adapt and evolve.

Previously I used to resist them with all my might. Over the years the actual resistance diminished in strength but the resentment and apprehension persisted in my mind. In the present scenario, I am making this huge effort to be ‘saintly’ about this change…that means, ‘I’m neither too happy nor too sad about it’…cocoon --> butterfly theory etc. etc. So far it’s working.

Yet today, my resolve is getting a little shaky. Today, we started the actual process of sorting things, disposing off some and packing the remaining. That acted as a trigger. Sadness is creeping on me slowly. I’m trying to combat it sometimes by distracting my mind and sometimes by trying to soothe the anxiety. It’s a struggle and I’m feeling tired.

I believe that ‘You will be taught a lesson repeatedly until you learn and imbibe it fully well’. Apparently ‘acceptance of change’ is mine and I’m a rather thick and slow pupil. Yet, judging by how much better I have fared with dealing with this particular change, I guess, I’ll be done in a couple of more lessons at the most.

Keeping my fingers crossed for that and also for getting through this one with minimum damage to my resolve.

A weird observation…don’t laugh* :)

2011-01-31T19:41:00.000+05:30

*Pardon the ‘art’

I've observed this so often.

I wonder why parents mostly hold their kids’ hands like this.

I think the parent’s hand as well as the kid’s hand would ache less if held like this.

Any idea why ?

I have been busy…

2011-01-25T19:08:00.001+05:30

…making detailed plans to begin a long-due personal project.

Long ago I realised that there is no better time than the present to begin self-improvement projects. Finally today I am actually acting upon my realisation.

We keep making excuses. Something or the other is currently taking up most of our time and energy and hence we plan to begin this project after the current hectic phase ends. This hectic phase never ends…and if it does, it is promptly replaced by another very important-urgent thing. And so we keep delaying the project since it is absolutely ‘unfeasible’ right now. But truth be told, we do not want to embark on, what we clearly realise as, tremendous hard work. Most of us do things when they become imperative. I’m no exception. But for this project (I’d like to believe) I’ve taken it up before it has become a ‘no-other-option’ situation.

So, hold your breath, I have finally begun (what I assume is going to be a long and tedious) journey towards weight loss through exercise which will consequently lead to my fitness. I am also ‘going public’ with my travelogue on my ‘Journey to the Land of the Fit’.

So, dear reader, do visit my fitness blog and encourage me (or you can kick my butt if you see me slacking) and help me along the way. You could also share your insights or experiences.

The Wanderer plans to soon reach The Land of the Fit !

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet…and yet…

2011-01-12T14:19:00.000+05:30

I have been reading Ai Ling’s blog for some time now and gradually I got curious about her name. So I asked her whether it was name + surname (last name / family name) and which was which or whether it was a pseudonym she had taken for the blogging world.

So in response she wrote a nice detailed post that not only gave me the answer to my question but also gave me some information about pronunciations of Chinese names. What it also did was, it inspired me to write about name conventions in India.

So, here's a little bit (as much as I'm aware) about the Indian names convention.

Whenever surnames are used, they have come about from either the name of a place or the occupation or a title bestowed on a person in the family and then carried on as a family name. Some surnames come from castes or sub-castes. There are some surnames whose origins I am not entirely certain about.

In India, in the Central and Western region, the convention is usually name + surname. On official documents (government), one is required to write one’s father’s or husband’s name also and there, the name is written in the format: surname + name + father’s / husband’s name, just like the Chinese do, as mentioned in Ai Ling's post.

In South India, in the previous generations, the convention was name + father’s name (or husband’s name for married ladies) + name of the place one belonged to. Since the last generation however, they have dropped the name of the place of origin and use only name + father’s name / husband’s name. Those South Indians who were born and brought up in Central or Western India had to take on a surname for official (government) documentation purposes. So they usually took on the name of their sub-caste as a surname.

In the state Punjab and Haryana, the name of a male child is followed by ‘singh’ (sounds like ‘sing’) and the name of a female child is followed by ‘kaur’ (sounds like ‘core’), then the father’s name followed by ‘singh’ and then the surname. So, Mr. A whose father is Mr. B and surname is C, writes his name as AS BS C :)

In North India I have observed that many people have joint first-names e.g. S Kumari where Kumari means girl or T Lal where Lal means beloved son :) (By the way, Lal also means the colour red…but let me not digress). So they usually write their names as S Kumari or T Lal only. When they come to Central or Western India and have to fill up any official documents, then they have to write their entire name which goes something like S Kumari + D Lal + Surname. Of course I have also seen that many North Indians write their names like Western Indians do… name + surname.

I have only touched upon the broader name conventions. I am sure there are a lot of finer nuances if we delve deeper.

As I write this post, I realise that there is so much diversity within India even for something as a name…and yet, the essence is nearly the same…name preceded or followed by the association that one finds important to be mentioned along with the name, for ease and uniqueness of identification.

Our name represents our identity to the world. We want to be identified and associated with what we feel is ours or important to us. We feel irritated when somebody mispronounces it or misspells it. Some girls retain their birth name after marriage since they feel that by changing it, they lose the identity they lived with for so many years and the connection they have with their birth family.

Some, like me, take pseudonyms to feel safe in the blogging world when they are baby-bloggers. In fact I am a rare specimen. I not only took my husband’s surname when we were married but also requested him to (read: made him) change my first name as well. (Yes, in my culture, that is often done. In fact that was the norm a few generations ago. Nowadays, in most families, it is done only with the consent of the bride). My husband was habituated to (and still uses) my maiden first name to call me but since it is a very common name, I wanted to get it changed to an uncommon name and saw my marriage as a perfect opportunity to get it done :) TH, sweet thing, complied with my wish. Now, I use my maiden name (first name + surname) in all my theatre activities and I use my married name (changed first name + changed surname) in office and for all official documentation.

How important the name is to us, isn’t it ? :)

Phew...and Yaaaaaayyy ! :)

2011-01-10T11:49:00.001+05:30

From 9th December 2010 till 8th January 2011, I successfully completed 31 posts in 31 days i.e. the NaBloPoMo challenge :)

I am feeling so relieved. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to do it. Consistency isn’t one of my big qualities, you see. But I have done it. So I am feeling ‘phew’ !

And ‘Yaaaaaayyy’ for the same reason…I successfully completed a task that I had set for myself.

Actually, only initially did it seem like a task. Later, however, I was eager to write. All day I would be observing things and thinking of subjects, I would be mentally composing posts and couldn’t wait to find time from my work schedule to put up a post.

I shall continue to write, though perhaps not daily, but very often. Perhaps I might even do another NaBloPoMo later…this time starting on the first of a month :)

I am now officially hooked on to writing :)

What I wanted to be when I grew up (…and what I have become) :)

2011-01-08T11:16:00.000+05:30

When we are children, each of us gets asked this question, "What do you want to become when you grow up ?", and, depending on whatever has taken our fancy at that moment, our answer changes.

Just like everybody else, I went through a lot of 'things I wanted to be when I grew up'…and for sometimes funny and sometimes strange reasons.

My earliest wish, if I remember correctly, was to become a teacher. I would always gather the children in the society and make them students and teach them all I had learnt at school that day. Naturally, in that phase of mine, I wasn't a very popular girl :) So sometimes I had nobody to play with and yet I taught…to an empty class…such was my dedication :D

In one long phase I wanted to become a veterinary doctor (remember Dr. James Herriot ?) and cure all the little doggies. I wouldn't have minded being a conservationist either, like Gerald Durell. I was even serious about being a zookeeper…or in the least a caretaker of elephant babies or chimpanzee babies. (That, I think, I could still do…ahhhh…some day…). I simply love animals, especially dogs, elephants and chimpanzees. So these wishes were driven by that love.

The longest standing desire was 'being an actress'…in fact, even when I was too young to know that there was such a thing as 'being an actress', I was quite the actress.

At one point of time I wanted to become an air-hostess. Guess why ? To serve people ? To earn money ? Naaah ! So that I could travel the world over.

In relation to that desire, there was one more occupation that I was totally enamoured with and would have loved to take up…that of a travel show host. You see so many different places, meet different people, experience different cultures and all this while there are some people who pay you to go there, stay there, eat well, look good, say things they have researched and written…I mean, this is the life, isn't it ?

For the longest time I wanted to 'go to office'…and do what, I didn't have the faintest idea…but the whole idea of getting dressed, wearing a watch, rushing out of the house while stuffing breakfast in your mouth saying, "I have to reach office early today…I have important meetings" presented the most attractive picture to me :D

I wanted to be a spectacular dancer…to 'enthral' the audience with my performance. I love the grace and flow and spirit that a good dancer exudes.

I wanted to be a fabulous singer…to move the audience with my singing.

And what have I become now that I am grown up ?

I do go to office, decently dressed up, not wearing a watch (the mobile phone serves the purpose), not stuffing breakfast in my mouth and very rarely spouting filmy clichés about meetings.

I have become an actress…in theatre. I am so glad that this desire fructified :)

I also have become somewhat of a teacher…I conduct theatre workshops and I have taught French.

I have developed a good ear for music and I can hold a tune, but I'm far from 'moving' any audience :)

I have yet to travel and care for animals, to learn dance, but I haven't yet given up on them. After all, tomorrow is another day…and, here's the secret…I'm still not grown up really ;)

And miles to go before I sleep…

2011-01-07T20:52:00.000+05:30

Warning: This is not going to be a profound post…if you are expecting something like that after reading the title.

As I sat down to write, my mind was crowded with thoughts of things I need to do, I want to do, but I can’t do, presently, for several reasons. I just couldn’t focus on any particular thing to write about. So, I thought, why write something contrived ? Why not simply write about what’s on my mind right now, this very moment ?

So here goes…

These are a few of the things I am longing to do…

Sleep. And wake up only when I feel like it. Only when I feel completely rested. I think this item would be on everybody’s list, if they made one :)

Finish reading those three…um…wait, it’s four…actually no, those five new books.

Take a vacation. Somewhere serene and beautiful. And not get antsy on the last two days of the vacation with the thought that it is getting over.

Finish writing that story I have begun.

Drive on my motorcycle to Kokan. For the uninitiated, Kokan is about 200 kilometres from where I live. This involves driving on the highway for some parts and on narrow curvy roads for other parts, for about five hours. My father has absolutely forbidden me to do it !

Mend things gone wrong between two of my friends and make them good friends again.

Learn to dance.

Teach people to communicate effectively. I know this sounds immodest, but I have been acknowledged, by people who hold some authority on the subject, to be a very effective communicator.

Shirk off my inertia where exercise in concerned.

Phew…long list, isn’t it ? And I have written only half the things !

And thus, the title of the post…miles to go before I sleep…

Innovative teaching methods

2011-01-06T19:02:00.000+05:30

I was speaking to TH a little while ago. He was telling me about how he had made up a game to teach a very difficult history lesson. It is a very interesting game and will ensure that history doesn’t remain just names and dates for the children but becomes something alive.

It got me thinking about innovative teaching methods. In India, the usual method is to memorize things and reproduce it in the exam. So, most of us don’t understand concepts or their applications. We just remember information…only till the exams are finished :)

I remember TH telling me that he had a history teacher who would either narrate history lessons as stories or get the children to enact them. TH knows history so well because of this method.

I used to have a professor who taught a dry subject like accounting in a very animated manner. He would give a lot of examples of real situations and enact almost all situations. To this date I remember each and every thing that he taught. I remember that his was the one lecture I used to enjoy in college.

In school our English teacher used a lot of alternative techniques. Sometimes she would divide the class in two and one section would shout out meanings while the other had to guess the word. On some occasions she would get us to read out the lessons wherein one person would read the entire lesson while different other people would read the dialogues. I developed such a deep love for the language as well reading fiction.

TH and I are strong advocates of theatre in education…I mean inclusion of theatre as a subject as well use of some drama as a teaching tool for other subjects.

Teaching subjects in a different manner will, in my opinion, ensure that children learn concepts and their application. Most importantly, it will make learning enjoyable for them and they will retain the knowledge for long.

It is my long term goal to be an active contributor in the field of education to make learning enjoyable by involving theatre in it.

The ability to say ‘No’

2011-01-05T19:00:00.000+05:30

Many of us lack the ability to say ‘No’. Actually I wonder why…since, as children, we are quite proficient in the use of that word :) Apparently we lose that skill as we grow up to be adults.

It is only recently, that is, a couple of years ago, that I have become comfortable with saying ‘No’.

Earlier I used to feel much pressurised if somebody asked something of me. The more politely they asked, the more difficult it would be for me. I would usually end up saying ‘Yes’. There would be a lot of stress accumulation due to this.

I used to worry that saying ‘No’ would offend that person so much that it would definitely put a crack in the relationship, if not end it altogether. Also, I was confident that I would never be able to say it in a way that the other person wouldn’t be offended. I also used to feel that they wouldn’t believe me even if there was a genuine reason to say ‘No’.

Gradually I have come to a point where I can politely but firmly say ‘No’, but many times, in fact most times, I catch myself giving detailed explanations and apologies when I say ‘No’ to somebody.

Nevertheless, here is what I have discovered…

I can say ‘No’ in a manner that will not offend the other person. In fact, many times they agree with my decision too !

Saying ‘No’ doesn’t put a crack in the relationship, forget ending it altogether :) At best, there is a temporary friction, which later, is easily forgiven and forgotten.

The most important thing is that when I don’t bite off more than I can chew, I feel much less stressed. I am happier, calmer and more at peace. This reflects in all my interactions and rubs off on people with whom I come into contact.

It took me years to bring about this change in myself but I’m happier for it :)

There’s no greater satisfaction than a job done well

2011-01-04T19:08:00.000+05:30

This is what I’m feeling right now.

Yesterday, exactly at this time in the evening, I was frustrated at a co-worker whose irresponsible behaviour caused a lot of trouble to my boss, who then, knowing well that I wasn’t responsible for it, took out some of his irritation on me. I didn’t react at all to my boss or my co-worker…it was no use…the former would cool down eventually and see that he unnecessarily took it out on me…and the latter would never admit that he was irresponsible and find somebody to blame.

I came to office this morning in a depressed frame of mind…thinking that the sincere one always gets loaded with work and that would happen to me today too, like yesterday. The morning too was a repeat performance of irresponsible behaviour from my co-worker. I plodded on. The boss was out for meetings all morning.

Post-lunch I decided that enough was enough…I had to get out of this frame of mind. So I just started a completely new task for which I am presently receiving training. I spent all afternoon doing it. In the meantime boss came, and as expected, was very sweet to me today :) I felt better energised to do the new task and worked at it relentlessly. I covered a lot of ground today and did the job well.

Later as I sat back to enjoy my well-deserved break, I remembered this line that my grand-father used to say to my cousins, my brother and I… “There’s no greater satisfaction than a job done well” and I felt so pleased :)

I made a mental note of it. Also, here’s one more, very important, reminder to myself: how I feel should be determined by me and my actions and nobody or nothing else.

I am going home this evening with a very light heart knowing that I have done a good job today and that I have managed to bring up my mood myself. :)

The Blame Game

2011-01-03T16:59:00.000+05:30

An incident that occurred today prompted me to think about how, when and why people blame others for things that they are responsible for.

In my opinion, the most common reason why most people blame others is, to cover up their mistakes. Such people are afraid of the consequences of the mistakes but not careful enough to avoid them in the first place. I understand that sometimes mistakes do happen. In that case, according to me, the right thing to do would be to own up, apologise and make amends.

Some people blame other people or events for things because that makes it easy to feel good about oneself. Sometimes it is useful in gathering sympathy.

I feel that cowards blame others. The people who can’t take the responsibility for their actions or those who don’t have the courage to face, fight if required and overcome adverse consequences blame others.

The first time you make the choice of dealing with the consequences is the most difficult one. After that it gradually gets easier till some day it becomes a way of life. One learns that the goal is to get the job done and hence if one commits a mistake, one quickly acts to repair it and get the job done, rather than fretting over it or blaming other people or situations for it. Also, I believe that one learns so much in the process that one goes on to make fewer mistakes…one becomes proactive towards work and more responsible in general.

One becomes a fair and honest human being…one with integrity. This, for me, equates to being a better human being and thus the most important thing of all. :)

And here's the final animal-incident…

2011-01-02T12:49:00.000+05:30

I promise. I'll not post about any more animal incidents for a while…ok ok…a long time. But this one's really worth sharing…

A couple of years ago, I had gone to a beach in Kokan for a vacation. We were staying in a small resort whose back gate opened on to the beach. There was a semi-circle of five hut-shaped rooms which housed my extended family and I.

Early one morning, I went to the beach alone for a walk. The sun was just rising. There was a cool breeze blowing. The sea was calm. I was feeling serene.

As I walked along the beach, I noticed a really tiny pink shell. The colour was fascinating. I picked it up and put in my pyjama pocket. Further I saw one more and I pocketed it as well. As I went along, I found many more and I picked up all of them.

A little further, I felt something prick in my pyjama pocket. I ignored it and continued walking. But again, there was a little pricking. So I stopped, dipped my hand in the pyjama pocket and located one shell that was pricking. As I removed it from my pocket, to my horror, a teeny-tiny crab was wiggling out of it !!! I was petrified…I dropped that shell to the ground…and just then I felt more pricking in my pocket. That was the time my mind stopped working altogether. I ran back to my hut at warp speed, rushed to the bathroom, removed my pyjamas and emptied my pockets hurriedly to find about a dozen tiny crabs wiggling out of the dozen pretty pink shells !

I still do love crabs…but as food, of course :)

Happy New Year ! :)

2011-01-01T15:23:00.000+05:30

I spent a lovely New Year's eve at a friend's recently re-decorated place which, by the way, looks absolutely stunning.

Actually TH and I had decided to spend the evening in having a quiet dinner by ourselves. Suddenly in the morning, said friend called and invited us over for a quiet dinner with just a few close friends.

So off we went in the evening to the friend's house and met up with some old friends, some we hadn't met for long and one we made yesterday :)

Delicious food was had (finger-licking good chicken biryani, superb salad), excellent wine was consumed in very little quantity (but strangely that wasn't minded one bit) and an interesting little card-game involving major strategising was played.

All in all immense fun was had and this will count as one those great New Year's eves that one always talks about years later.

I had a great start to my new year…how about you ?

And I still love monkeys too…

2010-12-31T19:05:00.000+05:30

While on the topic of scary-funny animal incidents, let me share this one too.

This dates back to when I was 8 and my brother 4. We had gone to Nagpur to visit my father’s parents.

They lived on the first floor of a bungalow. There was a terrace attached to their drawing room.

One morning, my father and grandfather had gone out and my grandmother and my mother were busy in the kitchen cooking lunch. My brother and I were left to our devices.

We were rummaging through grandfather’s wooden cupboard taking advantage of his absence. Suddenly I saw a very old matchbox. I read the year written on it. It was nearly 30 years old. I opened it and to my pleasant surprise, I saw that it was full of matchsticks. I was very curious to see if they were still working. I wanted to light at least one. So I told my brother. He too got very excited.

Then, somehow, and thankfully, I got the feeling that my mother wouldn’t be too pleased if she caught me lighting matches, especially inside the house. So my brother and I went to the terrace. Excitedly I opened the box, took one matchstick and was about to light it when suddenly, there was a thump very close to me. I looked up to see this a huge (at least that is how it seemed to 8 year old me) monkey right in front of me ! I simply froze ! I don’t remember my brother’s reaction. Then the monkey grabbed the matchbox from my hand.

I was so scared ! I grabbed my brother’s hand and rushed inside the house and with a loud bang shut the door behind me. My mother heard the noise and came to see what had happened. She saw the two of us standing next to the door and looking very scared. We told her what had happened. She carefully looked out of the window next to the door that opened out into the terrace and saw that the monkey wasn’t there. Then my fear subsided and guilt took over…I had managed to lose my grandfather’s carefully preserved matchbox of thirty years :(

I rushed outside to the terrace to look for the matchbox and to my great relief, there it was…exactly where I was standing ! Phew ! As I picked it up off the ground and looked up into a tree right in front of me, I saw the monkey sitting in the tree and staring down at us ! But this time I was brave…mother was with me. So, showing great ease, I slowly walked back in…and didn’t venture out of the house alone at all for the remainder of the day :)

P. S. Wish you all a very Happy New Year ! May this year bring all of you peace, joy and abundance :)

I still love elephants

2010-12-30T19:15:00.000+05:30

Remember I’d mentioned ‘another chase’ when I wrote about the cow incident ? Well, here are the gory details of another chase of a whole new magnitude altogether…

This was when in the holidays after the 12th standard (grade) exams…i.e. we are all of 17 years old. Five of us girls decided to go on a jungle trip organised by an organisation. In all 40 of us, including our 2 guides, took a 7 day jungle trip to the beautiful jungles of Mudumalai in TamilNadu in South India.

When our bus reached the reception area of the forest department reserve there, it was around 4 p.m. While the guides were completing the formalities, they told us to walk to the dormitory which was about 1 km away. They would come with the bus and our entire luggage later. The road was straight and there was no chance that we would get lost.

So enthusiastically, off we went. As it often happens in large groups, sub-groups got formed. We (my 4 friends and I) were the last group to set off. The road was about 10 feet wide lined immediately by tall and densely set trees. We were merrily walking along, chatting, singing. We could see the groups walking ahead stop at a particular point, look in the jungle to the right and go ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over what they saw. The group before us got so excited that they even clicked some photographs. We were getting increasingly getting curious since we wouldn’t see what they were all stopping to look at. Finally, when we reached that spot, well after the group before us had gone past our field of vision, we too excitedly turned to the right, eager to see what was so exciting.

What we saw got us too very very excited. Just about 30 feet away was this huge female elephant with her tiny little baby, perhaps a day or two old. The baby was soooooo cute ! The five of us stood there transfixed at that lovely sight and suddenly, without any warning and definitely without provocation, the elephant trumpeted ! We nearly jumped out of our skins. Before we could recover, the elephant started running…TOWARDS US !!!

It took a while to register what was happening and then all of us simply started running. But one friend tripped on her shoe-lace and fell on the ground, her spectacles flying off. Two of us helped her up and one got the spectacles and continued running. The elephant kept up the chase. For what seemed like an eternity, we were running with the elephant in hot pursuit. What was worse was that the elephant kept trumpeting loudly at regular intervals. We could feel the thump of its footfall. We didn’t dare look back.

Suddenly we came at cross roads and a white Ambassador car came across the turn, screeched to a halt since we blocked them. The car was full of very dark men wearing pure white clothes and speaking Tamil, the local language, which neither of us could speak. We spoke to them in English, which they couldn’t understand. However, from our red faces, short breath and gestures they gathered that we needed help. So, within a minute of meeting them, we piled on in a car that was already full and there ended the whole dramatic chase. They dropped us at the dormitory. We nearly fell at their feet in gratitude. Then they left.

Outside the dormitory one friend sat down and began to cry, three sat down puffing and panting and looking so grim that they were unable to speak for about an hour afterwards and I was so restless / charged up that I just couldn’t get myself to even stand still, let alone sit. I too was unable to speak for nearly an hour afterwards.

Now when I think back or describe this incident to friends, they laugh and I laugh…we all laugh uproariously. But that evening…oh, that evening ! :)

Thank God there’s a solution to a problem that could have been avoided !

2010-12-29T18:58:00.000+05:30

I just read this report about “Bangladesh sand to keep Maldives afloat”.

If humans cared more for the world they lived in, this problem could have been avoided. In fact, even if they now become aware and alert…it could still be avoided from worsening.

I feel a little relief, though, knowing that there could be a viable solution to this problem, which would be a win-win situation for both Bangladesh and Maldives.

I don’t know whether to be happy or sad.

Being a non-conformist is not easy

2010-12-28T16:09:00.000+05:30

It isn’t easy to explain to somebody how I still find my life alright although I don’t follow mass mentality. It is easy for me to live with my views and act based on them, but it is a huge problem for many people since they tend to discount me as they think I’m weird / rebellious / mad / … :)

I’m not weird. Naturally, I wouldn’t think I am, since I don’t find my own views weird. I am not rebellious. I don’t hold these views to ‘show’ somebody, to antagonise somebody or as a reaction to some incident / philosophy. I am not mad. My views work for me and therein lies the proof. I am what I am. And I am OK with it.

It works both ways…sometimes I think they are weird :) But I don’t force them to subscribe to my views and I expect not to be forced to follow theirs. Also, it is not that I have taken non-conformism to a new level or something like that. There are certain important areas of life (ok, actually, quite a few) where my views are divergent from the majority.

I get my sense of achievement from theatre. There, I am the risk taker, the go-getter, the one to push my boundaries, willing to take on any challenge…ready to jump off the cliff and build my wings on the way down, so to speak. Monetary gains don’t motivate me as much as theatre does. I can drive a ten-year old motorcycle instead of a car…it takes me from point A to B, never breaks down…that’s all I need. I can enjoy movies on a regular TV. Plasma screen, bigger TVs don’t attract me enough to work for them. A challenging role in a play, on the other hand, will make do that. Money, for me, is a means to an end. It is necessary. But my life doesn’t revolve around it.

TH and I decided that we would have children only if and when we were ready. ‘We should feel like it’, was our criterion. We shouldn’t have children just because our friends / relatives are having them. My biological clock is ticking away, but we haven’t yet felt like having children and we’re OK with it. If we’re not meant to, we won’t have children. If we’re meant to, we will. If we can’t have our own, we’ll adopt. If people think lesser of us since we don’t have children, so be it ! So many people give us so many reasons to have children… nothing can compare to the joy one gets when one has children...children are your support for the old age (in India children are expected to and do take care of their old parents…in most of the cases at least)…every one of your peers has children and you will feel left out…who will carry the family name forward ? etc. etc. But none of this manages to affect TH or I. We’re not feeling like having children right now and that is how it is.

I can give many more such examples, but the theme is essentially the same. People advise me to conform and I don’t. Not because I want to be stubborn. But because I don’t want to follow things I don’t believe in.

To all of those who advise me to conform, I say the same thing, “That is how you feel. I feel differently. I will obviously act upon what I feel. This is what I feel today. If tomorrow I feel differently, I shall do accordingly. If that is the exact opposite of what I am doing today, so be it. I understand that people change, situations change. I am wise enough to understand that and honest enough to admit it.”

Rarely can people accept this. Either they let it go thinking to themselves that I am ‘beyond repair’ or they continue persuasion. And so it continues…

Learning

2010-12-27T18:18:00.000+05:30

I am presently learning a new skill. It is something huge since it is deadline oriented…and the deadline is very close. I don’t have the luxury to learn at my pace, gradually progress and then get comfortable.

I have never done it before. I have always felt that I am not particularly suited for it. I have admired people who are good at it…my father, my brother, a person in my workplace…

But the funny part is…I like it. I mean, I am enjoying learning a new skill. It is challenging me. Also, the new and improved* me thinks that she may be alright for this skill.

*New and improved me…in an earlier post I had mentioned about being on the verge of overcoming a crisis situation. Of the many changes that this crisis, and the fight to overcome it, has brought about is that I am very less fearful of leaving my comfort zone now. Learning was never a problem with me but leaving my comfort zone, was. In fact change itself was a problem and you will find me expressing that here and here. Suddenly I find myself not feeling daunted by the prospect of the huge changes to come. So, I am pleasantly surprised at myself. The crisis has restored my confidence that I had totally lost in the previous huge, life-changing crisis, which did change my life, by the way. Also, I am so much calmer and stronger now…thanks again to the previous crisis.

So, suddenly I find myself pretty fired up about this new skill, learning it and the changes it is about to bring forth.

So, join me as I raise a toast…

To learning !

To change !

To the new and improved me ! :)

It’s a matter of principle !

2010-12-26T20:26:00.000+05:30

The other day I had gone to a footwear store of a big, very old, footwear brand in India. I bought two pairs. As I stood there removing my wallet, the shopkeeper billed the purchase and the bill came to be Rs. 798/- While the bill was being printed, the shopkeeper said, “800”. I had made a mental calculation and knew that it was 798. So I haven’t even asked him.

I removed Rs. 800/- from my purse and handed it to him. He handed me my bag of chappals and the bill. I put the bill back in my wallet, assuming that he would return the balance Rs. 2/-. To my surprise, he didn’t ! For a brief moment I hesitated, I contemplated what to do…I felt a little shy to ask for the balance Rs. 2/-…it’s such a small amount… by letting it go I will not turn poor and he will not turn rich…but the next moment I felt, ‘It is my hard earned money, however little the amount is. And, most importantly, it is a matter of principle.’

Then I looked up as soon as I put the bill in my wallet, sweetly looked at him and said, “Change?”

Then, without so much as a flicker on his face that he hadn’t paid me back, he turned to his assistant and casually said, “Hey, give me Rs. 2/-” Then he got it from his assistant and gave it to me.

When I reported this incident to my friend, she asked, “What would you have done if he’d have said that he doesn’t have change ?” I replied, “Either, I’d have made him go and get change to give to me, or, I’d give him the change and if I didn’t have change, I’d go out, get some and give it to him” So my friend asked’ “Would you really go through all this effort for a meager Rs. 2/-?” I replied in the affirmative.

Yes, I would…because it is a matter of principle…

I love…

2010-12-25T16:31:00.000+05:30

…traditional Maharashtrian* wedding food…there is such comfort in familiarity :)

…to curl up under three blankets and sleep late on winter mornings

…to be alone in the house and enjoy the silence

…it when people gift me plants

…looking at old photographs

And finally…

I love…it that I am writing each and every day without fail…even on the days when I can’t think of what to write about…like today :)

*(For the non-Indians: In India, the division of states is language based. Maharashtra is one state and the people are called Maharashtrians who speak Marathi.)

Unintentionally hilarious people !

2010-12-24T15:22:00.000+05:30

Last evening I met up an ex-student, and now a dear friend, H for coffee. When we walked out of the restaurant, H walked me to my motorcycle. We stood there for another couple of minutes, chatting.

Suddenly I sensed movement to my right. I turned to find this roly-poly, fair guy in blue jeans and a red-striped T-shirt standing about two feet away from me to my right. At the same time as I turned to look, he leaned in and unabashedly stared at me ! I was so taken aback ! I looked him in the eye and said, “Excuse me ?” Then he straightened up, stepped back, smiled at me and said, “Sorry…sorry…” as he retreated.

Assuming he had mistaken me for somebody else, I smiled back and muttered, “Its OK”…only to be completely thrown off-balance by what he said next ! As he walked away, he offered, as an explanation, “I thought you were a foreigner”.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUH ????? WHAT ?????

H & I doubled over with laughter. I laughed so loudly and so hard that tears started streaming down my cheeks.

Well…by Indian standards, I can be termed fair, and when I wear a scarf (which I was, at that time), sometimes I do look Parsi…or even east-European…with my high cheek-bones. So, that I might have seemed like a foreigner to him, doesn’t surprise me that much. But his whole demeanour…the way he came close, leaned in, stared hard and to top it all, his punch-line cracked us up totally !

After a few minutes when our laughter subsided a bit, H and I were indignant and mirthful at the same time.

So, despite the intense humour you managed to create in our lives and despite giving us a neat anecdote to share with all and laugh about, I still have some (well-meaning) advice to offer to you, Mr. Roly-Poly Red T-Shirt ! Here it is:

1) No matter what, you DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT stare at foreigners. They are simply from another country, NOT another planet. In fact, you simply DO NOT stare at people. It is bad manners.

2) And, should you want to take a long, hard, look at somebody, NEVER do it in so obvious a manner. Here’s what you could do - Walk past that person a couple of times and cast glances at them. They will know that you are ‘checking them out’ but not get offended / startled / freaked out.

And I also have something else to say to you…

“Dude !!! Seriously !!!! HUH ????? WHAT ?????”

A ‘dog-person’

2010-12-23T16:41:00.000+05:30

I laughed so much when I read this ! I connected instantaneously to Josie’s plight. I am so much like that ! All the ‘dog-incidents’ came rushing to my mind.

I absolutely adore dogs (the four-legged variety…its best to clear that right in the beginning :) ) and they, me (but more about that later).

Right since I was in school, almost every week I used to find a puppy on the road or a nearby construction site or near a waste-bin, feel bad for it and bring it home…only to be forced to take it right back to where I found it, after giving it some warm milk, since we already had a dog. And so it continued till I was in college. Thus, in college, finally I was able to persuade my mother to let me keep the puppy I had brought home this time even though we still had our old dog. A couple of years our old dog died, who was, incidentally, brought home from a farm outside our city and was half-dog, half-wolf. I think that was when I stopped bringing home random doggies, but my love for them didn’t diminish. The puppy that I had brought home lived to a ripe old age of 15 and died leaving us all heartbroken. I do, still, of course, adore dogs. Except that my lifestyle and living space is absolutely not suitable for having a pet.

If you live in or have visited India, you’ll understand that it is quite common to see stray dogs on the streets. Some even manage to befriend local shopkeepers or restaurant owners and regular customers :)

I am quite friendly with the street dogs, much to the dismay of some friends who are mortally scared of dogs generally and stray dogs particularly. Even those of my friends who aren’t scared of dogs advise me that unknown dogs can be unpredictable and if a stray attacks me, it would be terrible. But somehow, I never feel that a stray will attack me. So I continue calling out to them, petting them when they come near.

But this is nothing compared to how dogs react to me. I am sure that you will disbelieve what I am now about to share, but it is true, nonetheless. Luckily there are friends who have seen it happen and will vouch for the veracity of these incidents.

On most occasions, if I am walking down a road and a stray dog happens to be nearby, s/he will come close to me and look at me and expect to be petted, even if I don’t make eye contact. If I do make eye contact, they’ll come rushing as if they know me from before.

Once, late at night after rehearsal, I was standing on the footpath talking with a couple of friends when a dog came running by, barking loudly at something in the opposite direction. Suddenly I said to the dog, “Shh…be quiet, it is late and people are sleeping…let it go”. To the absolute amazement of my friends (and me too, actually), the dog immediately stopped barking and stood still. I turned away and continued the conversation with my friends. Slowly the dog came near me. Then he sat down next to me. Then he inched closer till he was practically stuck to my leg. Finally he lay down with his head on my foot and fell fast asleep !

On so many occasions, if I am standing on some road, dogs will come close to me and simply sit or stand next to me till I leave.

My friends tease me that I’m a reincarnation of the Hindu God ‘Dattatreya’ since he too used to be surrounded by dogs…and TH teases me that I am a dog disguised as a girl or at least I must have been a dog in my previous birth :))))

Contradictory proverbs !

2010-12-22T20:37:00.000+05:30

Today, in office we were talking about a colleague who went away. Somebody said, ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’. Then somebody jokingly remarked, ‘For me to feel fond of certain people, they should be absent for a very very long time’. We all laughed but then I remembered another proverb and I quoted it, ‘Out of sight, out of mind’.

That got me thinking. As a child, I took these proverbs quite seriously as the absolute truth. But as I discovered more and more of them, I started getting confused. Some were in a direct contradiction to others. So I figured that all proverbs must be context specific. I felt so cheated ! (This was when I was really too young :) )

Of course, now I realise that everything is subjective and they don’t bother me at all.

Here’s another pair of contradictory proverbs:

Penny wise pound foolish v/s Take care of the pence, the pounds will take care of themselves.

Do you know any more ?

Gratitude and Desire

2010-12-21T19:59:00.001+05:30

Work was so hectic today that I had no time to even think of anything to write, leave alone actually writing down something. So I thought I’ll use a prompt provided on NaBloPoMo. So here goes…

Firstly the three things that I am grateful for:

First and most important – My parents. I am so fortunate that I have the parents that I do. They gave me freedom to do what I wanted to but guided me along the way. They are there to appreciate every little accomplishment and to help me get up and get going when I fall down. They are tough with me when I slack and worry for me when I push myself too hard. They are such wonderful individuals…so diverse and thus I have imbibed all that they both possess. A love for the fine arts and a passion for reading. A logical, rational and incisive mind. A compassionate and emotional heart. So much more that I can’t even begin to express. Even at this age I feel so protected because of them. I shall be eternally grateful that these two people are my parents.

Miracles. Yes, you read that right. Miracles. I have experienced miracles – small and big. Some in my daily life, when I didn’t even feel the need for them. Some when I was on the brink of giving up. Miracles make me feel that I am being very well taken care of. So, thank you, whosoever is making miracles happen for me.

Love. I am grateful for there being love in this world. There are so many people and things that I love. And so many people who love me. I can’t describe what I feel love is, but I know that it is the best. I love love and I am very grateful for it.

Actually the prompt said to name three things that one desires. So I mentally scanned a list. There are, of course, several things that I desire. But once I started paring down the list to what I feel is absolutely essential and something that cannot be done without, the list came down to just one single item. So, here is the one thing I yearn for:

Peace of mind. True, lasting, peace of mind. I am your average person who goes through the cycles of feeling happy, sad, angry, depressed etc. But I have, on very few, fleeting, moments, experienced peace of mind. And right now I feel that, that is the ultimate goal for me. I haven’t the faintest idea how I shall attain it, but I’m experimenting. Hopefully some day I’ll get there.

My day hasn’t been very good mentally. So I am feeling so good after doing this post. I needed it today. Also, I’m happy that I picked this prompt (I am not totally sure it is ‘just a coincidence), since it has put things sharply into perspective :)

Stillness

2010-12-20T16:40:00.000+05:30

Yesterday was one of the rare days in a long time that I spent a lot of time at home; that too, alone. In fact I don’t remember the last time I did that.

On weekdays, after my job, I have rehearsal for some play or the other. So I reach home late at night. Since I am available for rehearsals only for a couple of hours on weekdays, most of my weekend time is spent in extra rehearsals. Then there is housework to catch up on and also weekly shopping, some tasks. Consequently, I hardly ever spend time at home.

It is not as if I lazed around all day yesterday. I just woke up reasonably late for me to feel that I had made good use of my Sunday :) TH went out for some meetings, after breakfast. Then all day I pottered around the house. I loved being around the house. I like this new house we moved into at the beginning of October. It is spacious, bright and airy. I cleaned up a bit, baked a cake, read a script and had somebody over for a quick rehearsal (that never has a day off, does it ? :) ), watched TV, read a book. Then in the evening TH and I went out for a bit, did some shopping, met a friend, dropped in at my parents’ place and returned home well before our usual time.

I am, what I like to call, a weird mix of opposites. Usually I don’t feel satisfied until I’ve ‘done’ something, ‘achieved’ something. My day has to be full. Empty spaces in my day make me feel as if I am wasting my time or not doing enough. On the other hand there have been days when I have watched three movies back-to-back on the DVD player at home…in effect I have vegetated on the couch for a whole day ! Of course, such days have been few and far between. But normally, I love to be always on the move.

So ‘yesterday’ surprised the hell out of me. Not once did I feel restless about not ‘doing’ anything. All through the day I had a sense of stillness…and it was so good to feel that. Stillness, without even making an effort for it. For me to achieve stillness, and moreover feel good about it, is something remarkable !

Eyes

2010-12-19T16:21:00.000+05:30

Yesterday evening while going to rehearsal, I was behind a car at a traffic signal. In the car, in the rear window, there was a small stuffed toy of a dog. Its neck was bobbing up and down as the car moved. But the most terrifying thing was its eyes. They were so real that it seemed like a real dog and not the toy that it was. Those eyes staring at me, gave me the chills. I overtook the car at the first available opportunity and immediately felt relief.

I must be of the rare breed of people who don’t like dolls. Do you want to know why ? Because of their cold, eerie eyes. I have been told by many of my friends that they are sometimes scared to face me because I read their eyes and they can’t keep anything from me. I adore dogs (the real variety) because of their loving and loyal eyes. Masks with eyes sometimes make me uncomfortable. I love it when somebody smiles with their eyes, which, in my opinion, is the best way to smile.

There’s something about me and eyes.

Liar...Liar...

2010-12-18T15:09:00.000+05:30

These days I am hooked to a TV Show called ‘Lie To Me’. It is based on a scientific research done on micro-facial expressions and body language to detect lies. In this show the protagonist plays the part of the scientist who established this new method of lie detection. He heads a group where he, along with other people who work for him, takes up jobs of lie detection. The show is well made and I love to know about what signals the scientist read and relate to which emotion. It also has an element of case-solving, like in a detective show, and I have always had great inclination towards mysteries and crime solving – books, films and TV shows.

As a child, in fact, right through my teenage years, I had intense hatred for lies and liars. ‘Little white lies’ were also not spared of it. To me the equation was pretty straight-forward and, thinking about it today, rigid. To Lie = to commit murder. That was the seriousness and gravity of the ‘crime’ for me.

As I grew up I accepted the utility of ‘little white lies’, although a bit grudgingly. I learnt to discern between, what I term as, ‘harmful & hurtful’ lies and ‘protective’ lies. So, to me, lying to harm or hurt somebody or lying to withhold something that rightfully belongs to somebody else was the ‘harmful & hurtful’ variety, while lying to protect somebody from harm was the ‘protective’ variety.

Gradually I became non-judgemental about it. I can even tell ‘little white lies’ now and then. Yet my personal preference is always ‘truth’. I have hurt a lot of people on account of this habit, I am sure.

Along the way I have realised that most people don’t consider ‘what’ is said if it is said ‘in a good way’. But, then I felt that this also amounted to pretence. So I pondered over it longer, observed more, and learnt that, the crucial element is my intention. Then it became a lot within control and easier too. If my intention is not to hurt somebody, and I make it clear and still speak the truth, for truth’s sake, and say it softly (as opposed to harshly), then speaking the truth would be welcomed and beneficial for the other person.

So now I follow this and ensure that I speak the truth. But lies still intrigue me and thus the fascination for the show about lie detection techniques.

Oh, and look at the irony of the situation…I am an actress (or female actor, to be politically correct) and have to lie convincingly on-stage ! :)

Useless trivia about me – Part deux…translates as: I couldn’t think of what to blog about today ;)

2010-12-17T14:32:00.001+05:30

I get a high when I finish performing a piece and somebody in the audience involuntarily lets out a “Wow !” (happened twice in day-before-yesterday’s show *blushes*)

I have no idea what is ‘PTT’ that I see in my cell phone. (I tell you, I am technologically challenged!)

I am mortally afraid of cows and buffaloes (for a very valid reason).

Sometimes, I act out scenes from plays or movies, the way I’d want to do them, in front of the mirror when alone at home.

I am addicted to buying books…well, not addicted really, but it takes immense effort on my part not to buy more books.

I love to sing loudly while driving my bike.

The cow incident

2010-12-16T16:53:00.001+05:30

This dates back to when I was 7 years old. We were living in Bombay (or Mumbai as it is called now).

On Saturdays we had half-day school. So I usually returned home at around 2 p.m., ate and then we friends got together at somebody’s house to play.

One Saturday, I went to a friend’s house to play. After an hour or so, we decided to take a break, go home, finish homework and regroup in the playground later in the evening. I left her place and started walking back home, which was about 10 minutes away. I was wearing my new red skirt and white blouse. Those days ‘red’ was my favourite colour. So I was happily prancing and singing to myself while going home.

On the way, there was a cow eating some grass just outside the garden fence of a building, her face towards the building and her back towards the road, on which, I was merrily walking unaware of imminent danger.

As I passed the cow, whom I had barely noticed, I heard heavy footfall behind me. So I turned around and to my great shock I saw that the cow had begun running towards me ! I don’t remember at all what I felt at the time. I only remember running frantically in the direction of my home, the cow in hot pursuit ! After what felt like eternity, I rushed inside the gate of our building turned around to shut it and fasten the lock, only to find that the cow had missed me by just one foot or so. I knew that the gate was locked and the cow couldn’t enter and yet I ran to our ground-floor flat, rang the bell frantically and as soon as my mother let me in, I burst into tears :)

To this day, I can’t walk / drive past a cow or a buffalo without getting jittery.

P. S. While writing this, I suddenly remembered another ‘chase’, which I shall soon entertain you with.

Zaadé premieres today…again…

2010-12-15T12:24:00.000+05:30

I’m very excited and nervous. Today a new play, Zaadé…Mateechya Manateel Kavita, premieres. I had written about it here. It is a poetry presentation programme that we had performed about 4 years ago. We closed it after a good run of 25 shows. But TH and I wanted to perform it again. We also wanted the new people in our theatre group to gain from it as we had done in the previous run. From the previous team only 3 of us (TH, I and PP the flautist) continued in this team. All others are new. We have redesigned it and today, after a long wait, it reopens.

I’m tremendously excited because finally we are performing Zaadé again. It is great to be there on stage and perform those poems, experience those feelings again. This time, due to the living in the interim years, there will be a newer sensibility to it. Some ‘old trees’ aren’t physically present with us; some new ones have joined the forest. All this is bound to add a different flavour to it.

On the other hand I’m very nervous. I want it to be as appreciated as it was the last time. Also, this time the rest of the team is new and inexperienced in theatre itself. It would do them a world of good if they perform well today. I like to think that since the last time I performed it, I have grown as a person and as an actor. I want that to reflect in my performance. All our peers and some younger co-actors, who respect TH and me for our ability in theatre, are coming to watch today’s performance. I especially want them to like it.

We are, as a team, really fired about performing Zaadé. I’m sure that all others are as excited and nervous today as I am.

Let all that energy translate into a superlative performance delivered with comfort.

The ‘Pomfret Curry incident’

2010-12-14T15:32:00.000+05:30

While writing about my food memories yesterday, I had mentioned a recent ‘pomfret curry incident’. Here’s what happened.

I grew up in a vegetarian home. My parents never prevented my brother and me from eating non-vegetarian food, or bringing it home or even making it at home. But since my mother is a vegetarian, she never cooked non-vegetarian food except for 4-5 times in all these years. So I don’t have a natural grounding or inherent knowledge of preparing non-vegetarian food. I learnt by reading recipes on the Internet and then experimenting. My sister-in-law S, on the other hand, grew up in a non-vegetarian home.

So, one day, TH and I went browsing in a nearby shop that sells frozen foods and western foods. After much deliberation (what is Seer Fish ? What is King fish ? Would you like to eat prawns or fish ? etc. etc.), we finally bought a packet that read ‘Frozen Pomfret - Cleaned for your convenience’.

The next evening I had no rehearsals while TH had a play reading to attend. So, excitedly I suggested that I’d make pomfret curry and we could have a delicious dinner of pomfret curry with rice when he returned. I have a collection of recipes downloaded from the Internet. So I chose one, checked that I had all ingredients. The next morning, I removed the packet from the deep freezer and kept it in the refrigerator to defrost till I returned home from office in the evening.

When I returned from office in the evening, I enthusiastically started the preparations. I removed the packet of fish from the refrigerator and cut it open. I slid out the contents and to my immense horror, instead of fish filets, out popped three. whole. pomfrets. All looking up at me with their big round eyes ! I cannot begin to tell you how freaked out I was ! I froze for an indefinite amount of time. I just stood there, staring right back at them.

I wasn’t grossed out you see…I have de-vined prawns and removed chicken skin before…so that wasn’t the issue. But for the death of me I couldn’t figure out how to transform these three whole pomfrets into filets ! And those that were staring at me dispassionately.

Finally, after a thousand different thoughts such as, I’ll have to throw them away and what a waste of good money that is to how dare they write ‘cleaned for your convenience’ on a packet of obviously not-cleaned fish to who can I give these away to, it finally struck me that I ought to call S, my sister-in-law, the one who lives in the UK. Right, the one who lives in the UK ! But well, one’s got to do what one’s got to do. Spending some more money on salvaging the situation seemed like a better option than throwing away good food and wasting all that money.

So, here’s how the conversation with S went:

Me: Hi ! Are you busy ?

S: (With an apprehensive tone, since, calling India-UK won’t be done unless in a problem situation) No, not at all, tell me. What’s the matter ?

Me: (Trying to reassure) No, no, nothing’s the matter. I just had a small problem…

S: (Very supportive tone now) Sure, go ahead, tell me…

Me: (Very hesitant) Well…uh…actually…see, I bought this packet of frozen pomfret…and when I opened it, instead of filets, it had these pomfrets with eyes, looking at me…and I don’t know what to do now…

S: Very Loud Laughter

Me: !!!!

S: (Recovering from her mirth and in her best consoling voice) OK OK…don’t worry…I’ll tell you what to do…

And then, I held one pomfret in my hand and she, over the phone, gave me precise, step by step, detailed instructions on how to transform the pomfrets to filets and then resolved some (very basic, if I may add) queries of mine.

Later I just followed her instructions to the letter and used the filets I made, in the recipe I’d chosen. Thanks to her perfect instructions, thenceforth, the whole thing went off without incident.

So, that’s why that will always be the best pomfret curry I have made or tasted in my life :)

My food memories

2010-12-13T16:54:00.000+05:30

I was just browsing the prompts on nablopomo for an idea for a post and I caught the word “food” and suddenly it clicked…a lot for food memories came rushing to my mind. So this post is about my food memories.

My earliest memory about a new food that I tried and liked goes back to when I was five. We used to live in Mumbai (Bombay, as it will always be for me). In our building there were two girls, twins actually, who were the same age as me. My family is vegetarian (but did not impose it on my brother and me) and their family was non-vegetarian. So one day when I had gone to their house to play, it was nearly lunch time and their mother asked me whether I’d like to eat with them. I agreed. Then suddenly she remembered that we were vegetarians. So she went upstairs, took permission from my mother (some vegetarians are strict and do not eat at homes of non-vegetarian people). Since in our family, it was left to individual choice, my mother said, let her try it. If she likes it, let her eat. And so it was that I first sampled chicken. I do not remember what dish she had made, but I do remember clearly that I loved it.

Throughout school and college, on each and every exam day, I ate ‘varan-toop-meeth-limbu-bhaat’ made by Aai (mother) and went for the exam. It is my feel-peace-food. For non-Indians, or even non-Maharashtrians, varan is an unsalted and plain thick-ish curry of cooked split pigeon peas, toop is clarified butter (ghee), meeth is salt, limbu is lemon and bhaat is cooked rice. All these are mixed together to make a dish that is pure bliss. The way my mother makes it is the only way I like it and the only way that makes me feel at peace :)

I have had bhutta / kaNees (steamed corn on the cob with ghee and salt and lemon applied to it) many times, but the one memory that prevails is of the time we had gone to visit Dimna Dam near Tatanagar (then in West Bengal, now in Jharkhand, I guess). We didn’t have any rain wear and it suddenly began to rain. Within minutes we were drenched to the bone. Dripping wet, we boarded the bus back to town. As soon as we reached the main square we saw a street vendor selling piping hot bhutta. How we greedily attacked the stall ! :) I still remember the taste of that bhutta and the fun we had eating it.

During the Ganapati festival each year, we visit my Mama’s (maternal uncle’s) place in Mumbai. Till a couple of years ago, Aaji (my maternal grandmother) used to make the best ukadiche modak. I used to help her with it but mine never turned out as well as hers. Now my Maami (maternal aunt) makes. Both modak are very tasty and well made (getting the perfect shape is an important requirement for modak). Whenever I eat modak anywhere, I always remember Ganapati at my Mama’s place.

After a recent funny incident (which, incidentally is a good one to share as my next blog post!), pomfret curry will forever be my most favourite fish preparation. No, no, the second most favourite…because the most favourite happens to be sushi.

Two and a half years ago I visited my brother and sister-in-law who live in UK. At that time they used to live close to London and my brother used to work in London. I used to venture out into London alone on some days, visit museums or parks or simply walk about Central London or on the South Bank and in the evening meet my brother at the Victoria Station and return home with him. One day as we met at the Victoria Station, my brother asked me if I was willing to experiment with food. I was more than willing :) So we went to the Wasabi outlet and he bought some sushi for us. Some vegetarian and some non-vegetarian. I knew before that sushi contains raw fish. So that wasn’t a shock/surprise. What was surprising, however, is that how I absolutely loved it ! After that on two more times during my stay in the UK I bought sushi at Wasabi at the Victoria Station and once ate it on the train back and the other time I took it home to share it with my sister-in-law. Since my return, I had been dying to eat sushi again but somehow it didn’t materialise till recently. We performed a play in Chennai at a prestigious theatre festival. The organisers had put us up at the five-star hotel ‘The Park’. There, for dinner we ordered a sushi platter and it was the most amazing sushi I’ve eaten so far. I fell in love with sushi all over again ! :) I shall always treasure the memory of sitting with four very dear people, the easy conversation and the shared excitement on eating the most amazing sushi !

It made me feel so good recalling these food memories…and contrary to popular belief, thinking of food hasn’t made me hungry…yet ;)

A pleasantly busy Sunday

2010-12-12T07:07:00.000+05:30

Today we are going to shoot our play that premiered last month, to send it to a very prestigious competition. I love this play a lot and I am quite hopeful that it will be accepted in this competition.

This is why I love this play:

The play is absolutely amazing. Very well-written. The format is novel (circular narrative) and most interesting. The subject is so ‘today’.

It is a challenging play for an actor to perform. Each actor essays different roles in different scenes. To build your character from scratch in each scene, make it work completely for that scene then wipe it off to create the same magic in the next one is a tantalisingly delicious and nerve-wracking at the same time.

In this play I work with many people with whom I have never worked before. All of them are so creative and hard working. There is a great element of very healthy competition and egging each other on. Also, they are all great fun to be with and very diverse. I feel thrilled to share this time of my life with them.

I love this current highly creative phase of mine J

The journey is the destination

2010-12-11T11:06:00.000+05:30

A new play will premier in the next week. These days I am enjoying the rehearsals for this play a lot. There is a certain assurance and comfort that comes from performing the entire play once every day. Also, as I become more and more comfortable with the basics such as words and movements, it frees up a lot of mental space to experiment with the rendition. The many different ways in which I render my content helps me combine elements from different renditions and arrive at an optimum way that will be most effective for the play.

I am also enjoying that I am able to help out the others in my team. I am far more experienced than them and sometimes they struggle with the basic things. I like to help them so that they too progress past that stage and begin enjoying theatre as I do.

In the last couple of years, I have come to realise that the process of rehearsing for a play is so much more enjoyable for me…as much as the show itself. I am truly experiencing that ‘the journey is the destination’.

My unreal expectations from reportages !

2010-12-10T12:23:00.000+05:30

This morning while reading the newspaper I came across reportage of an incident that had occurred in front of my eyes. I know each little detail of this incident.

The reportage however, differed vastly from the incident. I’m not speaking about differing perspectives or opinions about an incident. Such differences are bound to exist. I am speaking about facts of the case...they were grossly misreported. Details were altered to suit the point the reporter wanted to make.

Even today, despite all the controversies and exposés about media-reportage being biased / incorrect / bought etc., there is still a vast majority in this country who takes the written word to be gospel. Any kind of reportage should be done with some semblance of responsibility.

It is appalling how blatantly the reportage was altered to suit the reporter’s point of emphasis.

Firstly, it is downright lying. The reporter could have presented all facts as they are and then expressed an opinion about the incident. I suspect the reporter didn’t do that because expressing an opinion involves taking responsibility and perhaps having to accept opinions divergent that one’s own.

Secondly, there is an underlying superiority in assuming that the readers are incapable of drawing the ‘correct’ inferences if just the plain facts are presented. People aren’t stupid. Also, even if they are stupid, in the reporter’s opinion, people are still entitled to draw their own inferences based on their own understanding of things.

Thirdly, it reeks of the desperate desire to control majority public opinion by altering facts to suit one’s ends.

Finally, when one doesn’t have confidence in one’s abilities, one has to resort to such means.

Also, it is unjust and simply wrong ! But hey… it is foolishly idealistic to expect people to be just and fair in today’s world, isn’t it ?

P. S. Incidentally, this is my 100th post…I never thought I’d reach here…but here I am…so, yaaaaay :)

Day 1 of NaBloPoMo :)

2010-12-09T15:48:00.001+05:30

I have been an irregular blogger to say the least. I do have so many things in my mind that I could share, but most of the times I don’t allow myself the quiet space or time to be able to formulate a decent piece of writing and then post it on the blog. Sometimes, I come up with something nice, in my mind, and then promptly proceed to analyse, dissect and destroy it. However, I have always wanted to be able to write witty, humorous, thought-provoking or simple daily-life occurrences regularly…the key word being ‘regularly’ :)

I stumbled upon NaBloPoMo and was immediately interested. I read up all the FAQs. Then I read some blogs who were doing it. Yet I feared that I would not be able to keep this commitment. From blogging one day in each month to blogging each day in one month seems quite an ambitious project for me. So I mulled over it for two days and finally today I decided that I would take the plunge. Be it a tiny post or a long one, be it something significant and interesting or something really ordinary, I am determined to post every single day from today for one month. So here goes…

****************************************************************************

A few others and I have collectively battled a crisis of major proportions and are on the verge of recovery. The road ahead is still going to be full of challenges. Presently there is a lull in the storm and as I sit back, I am playing back in my mind the happenings of the past two months, looking at where we all are today and reinforcing to myself the lessons learnt…about myself, about people around me, about the nature of crises, about life in general. We are all looking and feeling battered and bruised…naturally, considering that we are slowly recuperating from a long battle. Here are some random realisations, observations, lessons:

Being positive and solution-oriented at all times in a crisis situation, works extremely well for me. I do not allow myself to be bogged down for more than a couple of minutes at a time. I operate on high self-awareness and start pushing myself to look at the blessings and to look for remedies for the situation almost as soon as I start feeling depressed. I have a tough core and I have my parents, my upbringing and all life-situations I have faced in the past, to thank for that.

Crises seem to have a perverse streak…or so it seems to us when we are in them. They stretch beyond all expectation and rational estimation. I think the key to crack the code is to have / generate enough sustaining power in your mind that outlasts the sustaining power of the crises.

I had read a poem many years ago, titled Don’t Quit. One line in it went something like this: ‘Many a failure turns about, when he might have won had he stuck it out’. This line, in fact this entire poem, is true for me since I have experienced it.

So, taking off from this poem, I am not going to quit until I complete the NaBloPoMo challenge that I have set for myself. Go get it girl ! :)

Blatant Advertising :)

2010-11-24T15:39:00.000+05:30

Well, this isn’t the first time that I am performing in Mumbai…

And I can’t fathom why I didn’t think of putting information about my Mumbai shows (read: advertising our shows) on the blog ever before…

But, better late than never…

So, People, we are performing our Marathi play “Tichee Satra Prakarne” in the NCPA Theatre Festival on Saturday 27th November at 7:00 p.m. Tickets are available online.

So, dear regular readers (= a grand total of 3 ?) who can understand Marathi (all 3 ? *keeping fingers crossed*) do come ! Actually even if you understand a bit of Marathi, do come…because for one-thirds of the play we speak in Hindi + English :)

And should you come for the show and like it, do come backstage and ask to meet me…we’ll talk about the play (= you will praise it) :D

And should you come for the show and NOT like it, do come backstage and ask to meet me…we’ll talk about your blog :D

And how will you know me ? You carry a black briefcase and I’ll carry a similar one…à la Hindi movies…OK, no, seriously, I am the one who says “trademark” in the play…and this is a real clue, but you will figure it out only if you watch the play…isn’t that a great trick to get you to see it ;) ?

And even if you can’t make it…do wish me luck…this is a difficult one…

Values

2010-09-08T16:34:00.000+05:30

It’s strange how I never noticed it before…the guard standing at the entrance of the office parking area saluting me as I entered and left each day on my bike. I guess he salutes everyone, every day. Last week I suddenly noticed it and felt some odd feeling arise in me…a niggling feeling. I couldn’t put my finger on it but it stayed with me the next day too, enforced by that day’s salutes. From the second day I started acknowledging the salute by a nod and smile. The third evening as I left office, as I nodded and smiled at him when he saluted me, it struck me what had been bothering me.

It bothered me that he salutes me as if I were superior to him. Just because I work at a better paying job than him or am better educated than him doesn’t automatically make him inferior or me superior. One could argue that it is a part of his job. I don’t think so. His job as a Security Guard for the parking lot is to watch over our vehicles and ensure that they remain safe at all times. Perhaps it wouldn’t bother me if saluting people as they enter and exit were an additional service that the job profile entails and that he provides gratis. But it is not. It’s servile behaviour. I feel it has been ingrained into us for generations by our society. I think he doesn’t mind saluting us at all. That is the extent to which we are conditioned.

I have observed that behaving rudely with waiters, maidservants, drivers etc. is quite common since it is considered that they work at ‘inferior’ jobs and are less educated. I just don’t think it is right.

I think that as a society, our ideas of superior and inferior work are pretty flawed. I will not deny the broader outlook that education can bring to the table, but it is not a one hundred percent guarantee of wisdom or even a broader outlook for that matter. Also, I think that the respect accorded to a person ought to be from one human to another and not because of or despite factors such as financial, educational, hierarchical etc. status. And what about kindness ? Why does it have to depend on superficial parameters ?

I spoke about this to a friend and she remarked that I am blowing it out of proportion and that I should try to ‘keep it light’, as she puts it. I agree that thinking overly about all this will only use up all my mental energy and there will be no difference in how others behave. I can only try to model my own behaviour on values that I find important. To that extent, yes, I will try to limit my thoughts. However, I consider respect and kindness to be basic human values. I take them quite seriously.

What is your take on the whole thing ?

Sentimentalism

2010-08-15T12:59:00.000+05:30

Call me old-fashioned, foolish or sentimental...but that's how I am.

I have just returned from a multiplex after watching a delightful movie (Peepli [Live] but more about that some other time).

Just before the movie, as is the practice, the national anthem is played. This morning this was shown:

As I saw it, my eyes were filled with tears and till the end they slowly trickled down my cheeks. It was an indescribable emotion. They say so little and convey so much. Not a single word and yet so intense.

Happy Independence Day All !

Everybody’s a doctor !

2010-07-29T19:51:00.000+05:30

Reading this reminded me of a long-suppressed traumatic memory… err… OK… *drama-queen stops right in her tracks* … a not-so-suppressed, no-so-traumatic memory.

In college I would forever be suffering from a cold (and no, I have no idea why, and I do not wish to discuss theories of why it could have been so…sheesh ! can’t a girl complete her story in peace ?) So, I would usually wait it out. You know what they say…a cold will be cured in a week with medicines and in seven days without !

As it happened, in one such bout of cold, I had to attend a wedding in the family. So there I was, decked up in finery and sniffling away to glory with a cherry-red nose-tip ! Wedding = A thousand random relatives you haven’t met in ages and who want to know what you are up to in the finest details.

There’s only one conversation I had that day. Just multiply it by 1000 – once for each random relative - RR for short:

RR: So, how are you ? How’s your college going ?

ME: I’m fine. College’s OK. How are you ?

RR: Why is your voice sounding like that ? You have a cold ! (reacting as if a cold = cancer)

ME: Yes.

RR: Oh you poor thing ! (appropriate clucking noises accompanied by a very sympathetic expression) Listen, why don’t you _______ (here insert ANY remedy for cold that you can think of…even if it is the most common one that you would have already tried, or the most weird one that would make you feel ‘I don’t mind dying of a cold, but I’m not trying that’)

ME: Ya, I will, thanks...

Then ME pretends to hear someone shout her name, looks around, spots some other RR and rushes off saying,

ME: Oh ! There s/he is…I’ll be back…so nice talking to you after ages !

I was so out of breath running away from RRs in that wedding, and there was so much congestion in my mind listening to all the 'wonderful' and 'most effective' remedies that the next day my cold, in fact, worsened into a fever, which in turn was another great opportunity for all RRs and friends and neighbours to suggest (read: insist upon) their 'wonderful' and 'most effective' remedies for fever !

Lessons learnt ?

A simple illness such as a Common Cold has 1000 remedies
Don’t question / compare / discuss the remedies suggested (read: insisted upon) by anybody. In fact, don’t say a word...just nod, smile and in the end thank the person profusely…and then simply don’t do anything ;)
Everyone knows 'the best' and / or 'the fastest' remedy
Don’t attend weddings when you have a cold
Better still, don’t have a cold
The most important of them all, which happened to be the unanimous opinion of everybody present in that wedding – Doctors know nothing about a cold !

Love in the rains :)

2010-07-26T19:38:00.001+05:30

Heart shaped ditch on a construction site next to our office building !

Closer view of the 'heart' !

You can find love in the most unusual places ! :)

Hindsight

2010-07-12T11:31:00.002+05:30

Hindsight is always 20/20 :)

As you sow, so shall you reap :)

2010-07-06T18:42:00.003+05:30

Well, I was happy to experience this in the last week…figuratively as well as literally !

The first experience was on Friday. For many many years now, my theatre organisation presents a historical play on the Parvati hill on the death anniversary of Nanasaheb Peshwe. 14th January 2011 is the 250th anniversary of the last battle of Panipat. So this year we presented a play based on this battle. TH wrote the play including the songs, composed the music and directed the play. The format was Song+narration--Scene--Song+narration--Scene. So SP SS and I were the three story-tellers. We sang some and narrated some, and then a scene was enacted by other actors and so on so forth.

I have had no training in singing whatsoever. However I listen to music a lot…and of all kinds. Over the years I have developed a good ear for music. Also, I sing a bit…you know the kind where you sing in a small gathering of close relatives…who will generally praise you no matter how you sing :)

Of course, I’ve been acknowledged as a decent singer by TH. Since TH is the one who has had formal training and also is a composer, it is to be taken as a compliment…also since he is quite a strict judge :)

So with trained singers like SP and SS, here I was, struggling for the first four days to get it. But eventually (= day five = two days before the show) I got it all right. And I sang on stage…with great confidence, without mistakes and with excellent story telling :)

Years and years of listening to a variety of music minutely (and practising songs and imitating singing styles secretly in front of the bathroom mirror) paid off :)

On Sunday A and I went to Aanandi Garden in the morning and were thrilled to bits to see neat rows of cute little plants come up from the seeds that we planted last Saturday :) Then we put in three more hours of work on a big patch and sowed more seeds so that we can have the pleasure of seeing these little ones grow when we go next Saturday.

Ohhh happiness !! To see your long-time wish come true !! To taste the fruits of your labour !! Pure bliss :)

Monsoon Memories

2010-06-16T14:52:00.001+05:30

It’s been raining continuously since last night. The rains began since day-before yesterday and the weather is so beautiful ! Overcast skies, a cool breeze blowing and ‘raindrops falling on my face’ :)

This morning, on my way to office, I was singing loudly on the bike, as I usually do in the rains. I was happily singing rain songs :) I remembered that long ago I had written about the images that such weather brings. I dug it up, re-read it and felt so refreshed. I felt I had to share it again…with some additions. So here are the images conjured by the rains...

Rushing out in the garden to get drenched in the first rain....

Leaving the sit-out door open, sitting in the door, with a cup of tea in one hand and a book in the other with music in the background...

Sudden burst of excitement in office as somebody shouts while running out, “There’s a hail-storm…lets go to the terrace”…running to the terrace with friends in office, gathering hailstones and eating them gleefully like children…

Hurriedly making bhajiya and then eating them while sitting at the window staring at the rains...

Rushing to the University in the rains (without jackets or raincoats, of course) and then having chai and wada-paav at Shantiniketan - our fave food joint that's situated under a huge canopy of trees (and hence the name)...

Leaving office at 9 p.m. one day in very heavy rains…totally packed in rain-gear…feeling very scared driving through knee-high water at places…taking an hour and fifty minutes to traverse a distance that is usually covered in forty minutes…arriving dead tired mentally and physically…

Driving to Mulshi lake on the bike with rain literally beating down on the face, visibility dangerously low...

Caught in the floods of Calcutta in one monsoon...taking a tempo to the station to catch the train back to Pune...sitting on the station with thousands of others stranded for the next 24 hours....high fever....limited tea and biscuits to keep us going...

Standing on Marine Drive in Mumbai, huge waves rising way above my head and crashing on the pavement...I'm drenched to the bone...

Rainy shoes, jacket, scarf, helmet, a poncho raincoat to cover it all...finally on the bike...feel like a warrior going to the battlefield...

Standing atop Dimna Dam near Tatanagar....suddenly the rain starts and it is really heavy....a mist envelopes us...the dam, the lake, the tiny island in the middle of the lake, the mountains surrounding the lake on all sides, the world....I'm in heaven :)

Role reversal

2010-05-20T18:31:00.002+05:30

Prologue: YT (Yours Truly) isn’t exactly a fan of cooking. Regular cooking is boring for YT and is done only because ‘paapi pet ka sawal hai’ :) YT can truly enjoy cooking only if it is some new and / or unique dish or it involves baking. In the least, YT has to give some twist to usual dishes to find them worth cooking. On the other hand, luckily for YT, TH (The Husband) loves to cook…especially some specific dishes.

Cut to: Sunday, early morning, at Aanandi, the garden where YT goes regularly with her friends to restore the garden. On this particular day YT was with PP, A and S, working in the garden, when suddenly YT’s phone rings.

YT: Haan bol. (Having seen that it is TH calling)

TH: Bring a lot of kadipatta while returning from Aanandi. (There’s this huge kadipatta tree in Aanandi and we regularly take home some)

YT: OK. But why ?

TH: I want to make kairichi daal. (Soaked and ground chana daal mixed with grated raw mangoes and tempered with curry leaves…TH loves making, eating and sharing this dish with friends)

YT: OK. Bye.

Later, just before leaving Aanandi…

YT: Today I have to take a lot more kadipatta than usual. TH is going to make kairichi daal for all of us.

PP: *Bursts into laughter*

YT: *Looks at PP quizzically*

PP: *Amidst continuing fits of laughter* This is great ! Usually the wife calls the husband, who has gone out gallivanting, and asks him to get back random vegetable stuff since she has planned to prepare a special dish ! With you two its just the opposite !

YT: *Now sees the reason for the mirth and smiles*

I know that this must be unusual for most people. But actually, I don’t find it strange at all. My brother also loves to cook and two of my dear male-friends too; and so does TH. So, I’m kind of used to guys cooking. Moreover, its so convenient for me that I daren’t find it unusual ;)

Slup of the ting !

2010-05-10T18:55:00.000+05:30

One of my friends is a master at what another friend has named “shuffling”. It is a slip of the tongue (or ‘slup of the ting’ for more fun :D). She does it quite frequently and thus retains the title “shuffling queen” for life !

In fact, we have this joke that if you happen to be sitting next to her or opposite her, you too will “shuffle”.

My today’s “shuffle” was quite funny. I was talking to L, another dear friend, and I wanted to say “poori chhutti”, but in a hurry I said “putti” ! We laughed uproariously.

Some of us also repeatedly use one particular word for another. A colleague R invariably says “hygienic” instead of “healthy” and on being corrected, argues that if it is hygienic, it leads to healthy ! Really ?!

I too have my repertoire :) Many times I catch myself about to say “in the morning” when I want to say “in childhood”. The scariest / funniest (depends on your perspective) is when I catch myself in the nick of the time about to say “alive” instead of “awake” ! Just imagine asking this question (which once I have actually asked a friend when she asked me if I could go to her house to play), “Is your Mom alive ?” ! Being my true friend (bless you D!) she burst out laughing instead of taking offence :D

So, what are your ‘patented’ slups of the ting ?

Guilt

2010-05-06T16:30:00.000+05:30

Hurtful words spoken unthinkingly and being forgiven for them;

A refusal to share, accepted gracefully, and discovering the need after it no longer exists;

Blind ignorance of injury inflicted while having fun but not receiving complaints;

Knowing that no amount of kindness and wisdom now will compensate for the pettiness and follies of then

Knowing that time once lost never returns

Knowing that none of ‘those’ actions can be undone

Ever

On the way to office

2010-04-28T17:43:00.005+05:30

Usually when I drive to office, I am on auto-pilot. The mind is free to think. I have often received stares at signals since I was singing loudly or rehearsing dialogues. I am that absorbed in my thoughts !

Today too was no different. The traffic was relatively less and as one signal turned green, I raced ahead, close on the heels of an autorickshaw. Suddenly the autorickshaw swerved to the right and, naturally, so did I. As the autorickshaw went forward, I saw why it had swerved. There was a pair of kittens, probably 2-3 days old, cuddled up with each other, exactly in the middle of the road ! I cringed. By the time this fact registered, I was a little distance ahead. I quickly took my motorcycle to the left to park it. I saw that another guy on a motorcycle had just parked his vehicle and was rushing to the kittens. I parked my motorcycle next to his. I couldn’t help myself and I too started walking back towards the kittens. Just then, a car was pulling up to the left. The door opened and a lady motioned me to stop. She asked me, “Are you going for the kittens ?” When I nodded in the affirmative, she said, “OK, then I will not stop. Thank you !” Immediately I resumed walking towards the kittens and much to my horror, at that very moment, I saw a car go over them :(

Then the guy, who just reached there a second after the car went over them, ran into the middle of the road to prevent other vehicles from going over. Seeing all this, my eyes blurred with tears and I stopped in my tracks. The guy picked up what looked like two limp kittens and kept them on the pavement, out of the way of passers-by, near the corner of a shop and started coming back to the bike. I couldn’t bear watching anymore. I walked back to my bike. As I sat on my bike, he sat on his, which was parked next to mine. I simply couldn’t bear to hear the answer but my hopefulness got the better of me and I managed to ask, “What happened ?”. He looked dejected and replied, “Before I could pick them up, a car went over one of them and also over one leg of the other. I don’t think it’ll survive either. Are people blind ? Stupid !”

I grew really upset and drove away.

Book memories

2010-04-08T16:39:00.002+05:30

Reading this reminded me of this and so many book memories came flooding in my mind :)

The earliest one is when I was in the third standard. My father had promised to buy me a set of 30 books of Tarzan (in Marathi) if I stood first in class. As it happened I stood third, but he bought it any way :)

Even when I was in the fourth standard, I had a fair-sized collection of books. So much so that I cleared up a cupboard, neatly arranged all my books in it, numbered them, made a register where I kept a record of all my books. In fact, I even ran a library in my colony for a couple of months. I used to charge 10 paise per book and it had to be returned within three days. The library did quite well and I did myself proud by earning my pocket-money.

When I read The Malory Towers by Enid Blyton, I used to really, genuinely, feel bad that we weren’t living in the UK, because if we were, I could have made sure that my parents sent me to it. In fact, for a few months after reading Enid Blyton’s The Magic Faraway Tree, I used to look up every tree to see how far the branches reached and whether I would be able to reach the Farway Land if I climbed it. I used to spend hours staring into space imagining myself in some magical faraway land or other !

My father, brother and I love the Asterix series, especially for the way the characters are named and the brilliant illustrations. I also loved Archies comics and my father would also read all the Archies comics I brought from the library. All my school and college notebooks had characters from Archies drawn on the last pages. In fact, even today, on my white-board in office, I have drawn Miss Grundy, Betty, Archie and Veronica :)

Somebody very close to me had gifted me Raavi Paar by Gulzar. That somebody had also written a beautiful inscription on the first page. I loved the book. Later, another somebody borrowed it and never returned it. Initially when I remembered who it was, I used to remind that somebody to return it, and they said they would but they never did. Much later I forgot who I had lent the book to. So now it’s lost forever. My name is on the book and the giver’s as well. They could give to either of us ! Whosoever has it is careless and irresponsible ! Actually the book is easily available in all bookstores. But I shall never buy it. I want that copy, with that inscription.

I have always loved mystery books. To me they are like a crossword or sudoku. As I read through, I keep making my own observations and draw inferences and try to solve the crime myself. I used to wish sometimes that Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot was a real human being so that I could meet him.

A friend of mine had been recommending The Alchemist for quite a long time…maybe a year…and I kept committing to buy it, but somehow it never happened. Then on one of my birthdays, my brother gifted it to me. Yet, for a long time it was unread. Not that I didn’t want to. In fact, I’d kept it by my bedside so that I would read it every night. But, no, it never happened. Then one Sunday, at about 11 in the morning, I suddenly had the urge to read it and then I didn’t stop till I came to a certain point in Santiago’s journey and then suddenly, I simply put it down. For the next few weeks, I tried to resume, but couldn’t. Then just as suddenly as the first time, one morning, of a working day, a weekday, I just had to read it and then I put it down only after I finished it, going late to office that day ! Many say that this book changed their life. I must admit, it did change mine too, in the way that it changed my perspective of looking at things, about conviction in the choices I make.

I must have read Pride and Prejudice countless times. Long time ago there was a Hindi serial on TV, called ‘Trishna’, based on this book. I used to like and hate it at the same time ! They had portrayed some events and characters quite well and so I liked it and some were so contrary to what I had imagined on reading the book that I used to hate the serial makers for spoiling it. Pride and Prejudice is my ‘feel good’ book. I enjoy it and get a very positive feeling each time I read it. It is one my all-time favourites.

Finally, the second of my all-time favourites is The Little Prince. I’ve read it in English. I’ve read it in French. I’ve read it in school, college, later, much later, recently and each time I find newer meanings in it. I haven’t seen a more layered and universal and yet, at the same time, so straightforward a book.

Books…making memories in my heart...and the love-affair continues :)

The change-stress loop :)

2010-04-05T12:33:00.000+05:30

Change... the one and only guaranteed thing in this world... gives me stress... always... but what I fail to see and understand is, that, whatever change I'm stressed about is also, eventually, going to change :)

Mind travel

2010-03-29T19:45:00.000+05:30

When you are inside your home, you could be in any city in the world.

It is only when you step outside that you are in one particular city.

Consistency matters

2010-03-26T18:35:00.003+05:30

If you don’t want people to judge you on your past, then change your present. Every day. Till that becomes the past people recollect and judge you on.

Waiters – An in-depth study – Are they programmed or dim or both ?

2010-03-04T16:08:00.005+05:30

Hypothesis: Waiters are either programmed or dim or both

The students: Yours Truly (YT) & TH (The Husband)

Prologue: YT has extremely low tolerance to hot food/beverages. This has often resulted in a burnt tongue/palate. Consequently, after being repeatedly taught a lesson (by the lord above), YT now takes due care to wait till her food/beverage is cold. In restaurants she orders her hot beverage with her food hoping that it will be served at the same time as the food, get cold till she finishes her food and thus she can enjoy it immediately after the food and at the same time as TH is enjoying his hot beverage. Added benefit: Precious time is saved.

Scenario One (in ye olden days):

YT & TH go to a restaurant. The Waiter (TW) comes to take the order.

YT / TH: “1 ‘dish1’, 1 ‘dish2’ and 1 tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood)”

TW: “And for you sir ?”

YT / TH: “We’ll tell that later”

TW: “OK. 1 tea, 1 ‘dish2’, 1 ‘dish1’.

YT / TH: “Perfect”

After some time

TW: “1 ‘dish2’ ?”. TH points to self

TW: “1 ‘dish1’ ?”. YT points to self

TW turns to leave

YT: “And the tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood) ?”

TW: “Tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood) ? I’ll get it”

After YT & TH finish ‘dish1’ and ‘dish2’, TW brings the tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood) and then politely asks,

TW: “For your sir ?” and then brings whatever ‘Sir’ orders, immediately.

Result: TH finishes his hot beverage. Then YT begins hers, since now it is cold enough to be drunk.

Life is a series of learning experiences ! So, after many many such experiences, YT thinks she has found a solution.

Scenario Two (more recent):

YT & TH go to a restaurant. TW comes to take the order.

YT / TH: “1 ‘dish1’, 1 ‘dish2’ and 1 tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood) and **stressing each word in the next part and gesticulates as well** Bring. It. All. Together. ... All. At. Once. OK ?”

TW nods and repeats the order, in reverse order, as all waiters do, and leaves.

(**Aside: Is it scientifically proven that you remember best when you repeat in reverse order ? If so, why are only waiters made aware of this technique ? In our education system, where learning ‘by-heart’ is a sure-fire way of ‘standing’ first in class, all kids must be made aware of it ! I protest !**)

After some time

TW: “1 ‘dish2’ ?”. TH points to self

TW: “1 ‘dish1’ ?”. YT points to self

TW turns to leave

YT: “**with irritation** and the tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood) ?”

TW: “You want it now ?”

YT: “**with a fierce politeness** Yes. I had told you so earlier, isn’t it ?”

TW: “OK. I’ll get it.”

After YT & TH finish ‘dish1’ and ‘dish2’, TW brings the tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood) and YT slaps her hand on her forehead. **The next portion of this post has been censored by the author since it involves strong language (used, of course, after TW has been dispatched to get what ‘Sir’ wants)**

So, now, clever, unrelenting and creative YT & TH have decided that the next time they go to a restaurant, they will first order only YT’s tea (or coffee, as per YT’s mood) and as soon as TW sets down that cup on the table, they will order food and finally ‘Sir’ will order what he wants !

The study is in progress and results of the next experiment will be published in due course (only if they affirm the hypothesis) :)

I wonder...

2010-02-23T16:51:00.002+05:30

...why they beef up the security of a place after the bomb blast has killed people

...how paying celebrities to urge people to save our tigers will actually save the tigers

Husshaaa…Husshaaa…All fall down !

2010-02-12T15:30:00.004+05:30

Whenever anybody (including me) falls down (literally, not figuratively), I am the first one to burst out laughing :)

Is it really funny or is it just me ?

Looking within…

2010-01-19T18:08:00.005+05:30

I chanced upon this yesterday:

“Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but circumscribed. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave?” Kathleen, the protagonist of the film ‘You've Got Mail’ says.

My mind has been in a state of overdrive since then. I have been seriously examining nearly everything in my life. And I have been cross-examining myself. I’m trying to see each event in its complete frame of reference, instead of disconnected events picked out of context. Yet, some questions I’m asking and some answers I’m giving are quite difficult.

It is a very tough exercise I am carrying out…and quite involuntarily, if I may add. Presently, while it is still on, I have no clue what might come of this exercise. I only hope some good does…some wisdom !

2009-12-31T19:21:00.001+05:30

Cleaning up

2009-12-28T10:22:00.004+05:30

There is something spiritual about cleaning up your home.

A poem I wrote

2009-12-15T19:18:00.003+05:30

Here’s a poem I wrote in French today. I am also giving the English translation below the original French one.

Vide

Beaucoup d'alimentation pour me bourrer.
Tant de vêtements pour m'habiller.
Mais mon cœur est vide.

Tas de choses que je fais pour occuper mes jours.
Tant de livres pour remplir mes étagères.
Mais ma tête est vide.

Beaucoup de personnes pour occuper ma vie.
Et un peu plus pour me manquer après ma mort.
Mais mon âme est vide.

Tout est vide.
Tout est vide.
Tout est complètement vide.

Empty

A lot of food to stuff myself with.
So many clothes to dress myself up.
But my heart is empty.

So many things that I do to fill my days.
So many books to fill my shelves.
But my mind is empty.

A lot of people to fill my life.
And some more to miss me after my death.
But my soul is empty.

Everything is empty.
Everything is empty.
Everything is completely empty.

Funny Telephone-Encounters

2009-11-23T19:04:00.005+05:30

I seem to have an unusually high number of funny telephone-encounters ! In fact, long ago, I had written a post on telephone manners. What happened a short while ago is yet another incident in the growing list :)

My cell phone rang. I saw a cousin's name flash on it. We haven't spoken for ages. In fact we usually meet and chat only at family functions...the usual reason being busy schedules etc. So, I received the call and very cheerily said, "Bol S!"

There was this heavy silence for about 10 seconds...during which a thousand thoughts came to my mind...ranging from...is there any sad news and did I sound too cheery for that...to...perhaps she's called to invite me to some function.

The 10-second silence seemed a wee bit too long and I heard myself say uncomfortably, "Kay ga ?" ("What's up ?)

Then she said, "Oh wow ! Its you ! For a second I wondered why my bai's daughter is sounding like this !"

To this, I could only burst into loud fits of laughter much to the surprise of my colleagues :)

Animals are more human !

2009-11-04T12:42:00.006+05:30

I got this as a forward...the source is mentioned as National Geographic.

A female leopard hunts a pregnant female baboon. While the leopard is dragging the dead baboon, she notices a day-old baboon baby... Leopard leaves the hunted mother and starts taking care of the newborn baboon.

When I shared it with my colleagues, one colleague RP remarked, "As some humans are turning into animals day by day in our society, somebody needed to compensate !"

Heart and head, hand-in-hand…

2009-10-30T16:33:00.001+05:30

I have observed that, at some point of time or the other, in any in-depth discussion, particularly regarding a decision, already made or to be made, the issue of heart versus head comes into focus. It is as if they are two things opposed to each other, an either-or option, mutually exclusive. I too have my moments of ‘what I must do’ versus what I want to do’…in other words head versus heart. It is a difficult to handle dichotomy.

I have wondered why the head and heart are always pitched against each other. Why can’t they complement each other…participate equally in a decision, for example ?

This morning I was just flicking through channels and on one I saw a small part of a scene that set me thinking about this.

This 5 year old little girl and her mother are walking back from school. The mother’s sandal’s thumb-strap gives way. But she continues walking since there is no other option. Mother is limping now and Daughter is watching her and imitating the mother. After a while Mother removes her sandals and carries them in her hands. Some distance away, Mother sits down on the footpath and starts massaging her aching feet. Daughter looks at Mother massaging her aching feet. Daughter looks at Mothers feet without sandals and looks at her own with school shoes. Then Daughter removes her shoes and attempts to make her mother wear them.

At this point I switched off the TV as I had to leave. But the scene got me thinking. The scene played over in my mind as I drove to office. In my understanding, this is how the head-heart scenario worked in this one at indecipherable, inseparable, minute levels: Daughter sees (information input through a sensory organ – action governed by brain), understands what ‘aching’ is (head function), compares her feet to the mother’s feet (head function), understands the difference (head function), correlates ‘aching’ with ‘missing footwear’ (head function), then feels compassion (emotion = heart function) and attempts to put her shoes on her mother’s feet (head function).

Some would argue that emotion too is just some chemical activity or brain function. However, for the average human, emotion is associated with heart and rationality with head. I choose to follow that line of thought.

Here, I believe, the head and heart behaved as team-mates.

I have always wished them to be good friends with each other and more often than not, I have found them to be at loggerheads with each other. Life would be so much strife-free, decisions so much more appropriate, errors so few, if they were to be in tandem !

Happy Diwali :)

2009-10-17T14:42:00.003+05:30

Of friends and friendships

2009-09-29T16:29:00.002+05:30

There must be about a million quotes that describe, some with great precision, what friends are and what friendships are. When I read them, I identify with most of them and think about the ones that I don’t identify with. But none manage to touch the core of my heart. My heart ‘knows’ only when it experiences.

I have always been super-sensitive towards and about my friends and friendships. It is only of late that I have become totally secure. I do not know how and when the realisation came from within that, true friends and friendships are beyond any small upheavals that may happen in our individual or collective lives. I believe this realisation came as I became clearer in my mind that my involvement in my friends and my friendships is unshakeable, no matter what; And also with the realisation that like everything else, relationships and people change and thus if some friends or friendships don’t last, they no longer are. It is alright. However, for certain friends or friendships, there is a continuous, uninterrupted flow…like some rivers…sometimes over the ground and sometimes under…but, continuous, uninterrupted.

A very close friend has just gone away for a year across the seas for higher studies. For a brief while my mind took over and my focus shifted to the short-term…the year when he will be away and how and how much I shall miss him…and I was distraught. Then my heart barged in with its wisdom gathered from experience and I became secure again in the knowledge that distance and time spent apart are inconsequential, that friendship remains, that what we feel for each other remains.

On the long weekend that just passed, I contacted a very close friend after ages. She too was free on Sunday. We spent a very satisfying and lazy day bonding, sharing and catching up. There was no pressure, neither of time, nor of work, nor of the missing months of conversations and connection. I experienced again what I have come to believe and trust in…that this friendship is so deep that distance and time spent apart are inconsequential, that friendship remains, that what we feel for each other remains.

It is like knowing that the core will always remain despite anything that happens on the surface. Quite like the spirit, the soul, that is indestructible.

Nature’s poetry

2009-09-14T16:10:00.003+05:30

It was bright and sunny. Hot, in fact.
Suddenly the skies became dark.
An army of galloping horses of dark clouds had invaded the skies.
Everything took on a grey hue…the trees, the houses, the river, the people.
A cool breeze began to blow.
The kind that blows into your face, pushing back your hair and makes you wish you could fill your wings with it and take off into the sky.
The kind that makes you pine for something unknown…pulls you towards something indescribable.
The kind that makes you forget everything…even yourself.
Slowly the wind gathered strength.
It cornered the clouds, surrounded them from all directions and began to push them.
The confused clouds ran helter-skelter. They collided with each other. They were startled to hear deafening thunder…their eyes blinded by lightning.
A huge tear drop escaped from the eye and fell to the ground. Then another and yet another…till their hearts poured out all the grief.
Just as suddenly as it had begun, it all ended.
Tear-drops now glistening through a smile. Freshly washed and dried, clean and empty skies…brighter than before…more luminescent.
Like the inner light spilling through.

Dependence

2009-09-08T16:13:00.001+05:30

I have observed that different people react differently to others being dependent on them.

Some feel powerful. They consciously or sub-consciously use it as a tool to gain importance. They like people being dependent on them so that they can hold them to ransom and display their importance from time to time.

Some feel superior. They feel proud, sometimes downright vain, as they translate others’ dependence on them as their superior capability.

Some feel bound. They feel completely and irrevocably responsible. Since others are dependent on them, they can never delegate / share / pass on this responsibility, even for a single instance.

Some feel grateful, servile, in fact. Their sense of worth is redeemed by others being dependent on them, in being needed.

All of the above seem extreme responses to me. They seem to lack in balance. To recognise the dependence as being in specific areas, for specific reasons or durations and to respect the dependence for exactly what it is, nothing more and nothing less seems nearly always lacking in people I have known.

In which Mr. Crawly creep-ed out Mr. S !

2009-08-31T18:43:00.003+05:30

While laughing at poor DJ’s plight while reading this, I suddenly recalled this incident and laughed even more.

Once upon a time (= a couple of years ago), yours truly was going to Lakshmi Road and got caught in such a horrible traffic jam on Karve Road that even the proverbial ant wouldn’t be able to overtake the vehicles that were practically kissing each other. Yours truly (hereafter referred to as YT), surprisingly, was not at all affected and continued progressing with the traffic at a snail’s pace.

About half way towards Deccan Gymkhana, one Mr. Scooter behind YT started sounding his horn. YT first decided to ignore it thinking that eventually Mr. Scooter (hereafter referred to as Mr. S), would realise that it was impossible for YT to make space and allow him to overtake. However, this was not to be. Mr. S continued honking like crazy and eventually managed to get YT all irritated. YT, sarcastically, gestured for Mr. S to overtake from wherever he could. Neither did Mr. S overtake nor did he stop honking. By this time YT turned right on to the two-wheeler bridge towards Poona Hospital. Mr. S was right behind, honking away. The traffic was just as neck-to-neck as before.

At the Poona Hospital signal, finally, the traffic eased up and Mr. S drew up his vehicle to YT’s side and started gesticulating wildly. Now YT got reaaallly angry, stopped her vehicle and demanded Mr. S to stop too. Mr. S was only too happy to do that. Angrily YT demanded what his problem was and Mr. S pointed to YT’s back and managed to utter just one word, “Lizard !”

For a moment, time froze for YT ! But, YT being what she is, immediately stood with her back to Mr. S and asked him to flick Mr. Crawly away ! Now it was Mr. S’s turn to freeze. But seeing that there was no way YT was going to touch Mr. Crawly or let Mr. S go away without doing the honours, he mustered up sufficient amount of courage and with a swift flick of his wrist that would put even a seasoned batsman to shame, flicked Mr. Crawly away, resulting in some shrieks in the direction Mr. Crawly was flicked :)

Epilogue:
* That night, Mr. S dreamt of huge lizards trying to gulp him down. Whether this incident has left Mr. S emotionally scarred for life is unknown.

* Mr. Crawly settled down with Ms. Crawly and produced many Masters and Misses Crawlies. Today he heads The Academy of Creepy Crawlies and teaches the course “How to terrorize humans”.

* YT survived to tell her tale. She doesn’t have nightmares. She hasn’t written a book about the horror she had to endure. However, she loves to regale all friends (actually, anybody who is willing to listen) with this anecdote that she finds highly amusing.

What is success ?

2009-08-25T15:50:00.003+05:30

I have been mulling over this question for some time now. Much value is placed on being successful. I have mentally played out different arguments, followed a number of lines of thought and have arrived at some observations.

Success is measured differently by different people. It acquires different meanings in different scenarios, different circumstances and different contexts. One applies certain parameters, and then makes some allowances or some disallowances and proceeds to measure the success of a human being or an endeavour. The result varies as per the parameters. Success is also relative to a stated or implied goal, if one has been predefined.

Success of two human beings or endeavours, in my opinion, is not one hundred percent comparable, even if the measurement parameters and the allowances and disallowances are identical, since circumstances are never identical.

I had once read a verse about success and it had appealed to me a lot. Unfortunately I do not know the source. I quote it here -

“Success to me means...

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest crtics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a better place, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier beacuse you lived.

This is to have succeeded !”

As I grew older, I came to realise that some of the parameters are relative and / or subjective, and somehow that diminished its value for me. I won't say I am disillusioned, but I'm surely not viewing things in the romantic and idealistic manner mentioned in this verse. The ones that I still find worth are all related to the self...either arising out of one's own actions or one's own responses to situations.

I now understand that success is largely dependent on one's own perception of it.

Also, as I went from one phase of life to another, the meaning of success changed for me. I think it must be the same for others as well.

Today, success to me means having the freedom to do anything at all with my time without fear of it affecting my subsistence adversely. In that sense, then, nobody is successful in absolute terms. One is largely or somewhat or marginally or not at all successful.

Success means having an abundance of renewable resources.

What is your definition of success ?

So, what is the superiority complex all about ?

2009-08-18T18:46:00.002+05:30

I recently read a book called “The Tears of the Desert” by Dr. Halima Bashir. It is about the civil war in Darfur, Sudan. Last year I read a book about civil war in Sierra Leone called “A long way gone” by Ishmael Beah. I have also read about war-time diaries of youth.

From Israel… Palestine… Kashmir… Azerbaijan... Armenia... Bosnia-Herzegovina... Northern Ireland... Rwanda... Cyprus... East Timor... Côte d'Ivoire... Kosovo... to absolutely anywhere in the world…all we hear these days in conflict based on religion, ethnicity, caste, etc. etc. It is horrifying to even read about the atrocities committed by humans against humans…I daren’t imagine what the people who live and die through the horror have to face !

As far as my limited knowledge and observation goes, animals are driven by only three instincts…fear, hunger and reproduction. Man considers himself superior to animals since he is supposed to possess superior intellect, superior emotional capacity, a quality called humaneness…

Where is it ??

Is he not just like the animals…forming packs…to fight other packs…over territory and resources…driven by hunger and fear…

After a hundreds of years of existence, man is just another animal…

So, what is the superiority complex all about ?

A bit of madness :)

2009-08-13T18:39:00.002+05:30

Two days ago, while in office, I received a call from R, the costume designer of KK that she needed my measurements for dungarees. I was on a tight schedule. I had a lot of work at office and then I had another rehearsal to attend. I couldn’t possibly take half an hour out to go to her place. So we decided that we would meet in a shopping mall that is on the way from office to the rehearsal and she could take measurements in the washroom of this mall (wait…wait…don’t react just yet…there’s more to come) and I could quickly be off on my way.

But as I left office, I realised that my bike had a puncture and a colleague was offering me a lift but he would be taking another route. So I called up R and asked her if she could pick me up on that route. Coincidentally there’s a small shopping complex on the alternate route. She agreed to pick me up outside this one. She was yet to arrive when I reached there. She was a little late and I started getting restless. It occurred to me that it would now take longer to go to the mall from this shopping complex and then take measurements in the washroom and I would surely be late for rehearsal. I started thinking about what to do. Just then she arrived and I voiced my concern. She and I spent approximately about half a minute before the same thought came to our minds and we looked at each other with a twinkle in the eye.

The shopping complex is an open two-storey structure (that, incidentally, doesn’t have a washroom!). On the ground floor there are a couple of shops. There is a flight of stairs that goes up to the first floor and to a small landing, four feet by four feet, where there are doors to three shops. One was open and two were closed. All this is clearly visible from the footpath on the street.

Many people were walking in and out of the shops on the ground floor. On the entry stairs and the stairs to the first floor, there were groups of collegians sitting around and chatting. R and I quietly scurried up the stairs. To the right was the open shop. We stationed ourselves in front of the closed door of the left-most shop…I put down my stuff…and…she whipped out her measuring tape and took my measurements ! In full view of the street and in the shopping complex buzzing with people ! We were done in three minutes flat and came down the stairs and out of the shopping complex quickly…we hopped on her bike and off we went ! If anybody has seen this, I'm sure they must think us to be the most shameless girls :))))

How we giggled all the way till she dropped me off at the rehearsal :) We were repeatedly saying that, we are the limit !

I have done some pretty weird and risqué things before…and this one is truly of that calibre…I really can do anything !

A roller-coaster ride

2009-08-06T17:26:00.000+05:30

We have, on the time line, reached approximately the mid-point of the rehearsals of the new play Kashmir Kashmir. This ride has been nothing short of a roller-coaster ride.

I am constantly learning something new. I am physically very tired always and perpetually sleep-deprived. Mentally, I violently fluctuate between excitement, happiness, satisfaction (when I learn something, when I get something right, when I know something beforehand and can help others) and anger towards self, feeling ashamed, frustration, depression (when I discover one more thing that I can’t do yet / don’t know, when I can’t get something right, when I find myself short of preparation time due to my job)

Language and speech have always been my forte. I grasp it quickly and I’m good at it. And in this play I have to speak grammatically incorrect English and pronounce it badly as well ! Learning to do that has been a task :-) I learnt the basic step of Salsa. I have learnt some Tibetan phrases. I’ve learnt a couple of Kashmiri words. Since two days ago, I’ve been learning how to rap accompanied by that typical style of dancing too. I can’t say I’m anywhere close to getting it right, but eventually I will. I am presently learning a Bengali song…Rabindra Sangeet to be precise.

Apart from this, I have learnt a lot about the history of Kashmir, the issues, the lifestyle, the people, the food…

All this has been very exciting and terribly stressful. Learning something new is always fun but knowing that there are so many things that you cannot do yet is painful. After reading extensively about Kashmir, I felt so frustrated. A whole lifestyle, a culture, a people, displaced, nearly eliminated…extinct ! And, I believe, there is no solution to the problem…and that is what is so frustrating.

I discovered that I am extremely uncomfortable asking for and taking help from others. I also found out that I can’t accept it if I can’t do something or I don’t know it yet. I always compare myself with others unfavourably…I manage to find good things that they know / do and that I don’t…and it bothers me a lot.

Yesterday I wasn’t getting the rap dance movements at all and the director was unhappy with me. After rehearsal, two people from the team very kind-heartedly said that they would work at those steps and ensure that I got it right…in short, they’d help me to overcome this weakness. Instead of feeling reassured and happy, I felt even more like a handicapped person. I hadn’t felt this bad even when the director expressed his unhappiness.

Once again it has been confirmed to me that I am a natural at languages and speech. I have been able to comfortably pick up other languages, modify my speech patterns, twist nursery rhymes (oh, this is so fun…but in some other post). I have never been inclined towards the more physical pursuits such as exercise, dance and sports. Throughout the rehearsals of this play, I have sorely felt the lack of these qualities / skills in me. This is one of my major shortcomings, I believe. I must do something to change this situation.

All in all, the journey so far has been highly challenging, to say the least. My role in the previous play that I did was not very challenging. I was a bit unhappy about that. I wanted to do something that would push me beyond my known limits. I thought such a role would be most juicy and delicious. And here I am…struggling to overcome the difficulties and…and at this moment, it is far from ‘juicy and delicious’…more like trying to crack a walnut with teeth weakened by cavities.

But, I am going to tell myself that this is the tunnel, and if I keep walking and keep my wits about me, I shall reach the light at the end of it. Amen !

This quilt called my life !

2009-07-20T18:30:00.003+05:30

I have always felt that I pack a lot of ‘me’s in one day. The kind of diverse things happening in one day of mine sometimes boggles my mind.

In one instant I am doing really crazy stuff like having a broomstick fight with my co-actors while rehearsing for a play and in another I am sitting in a meeting at office, a picture of seriousness, discussing changes in ISO procedures; in another, I am playing with my 6 month old nephew, singing all songs animatedly and talking baby-talk, and in yet another I am making “shev” like an expert even though it is the first time I’m making it; and then I’m teaching French phrases to a friend very patiently like an ideal teacher I would have loved to have.

I feel as if I am made up of a thousand pieces of fabric that are individually very different from each other in texture, colour, design but together make for a very colourful quilt :)

Anything can happen…

2009-07-14T18:48:00.000+05:30

Anything can happen in this world. I have always believed in this. And it does. Perhaps it does because I believe it does.

It was early on Saturday morning. It was drizzling. I was going to the rehearsal of KK. As I was driving up the lane, S, M and O were driving down. They motioned me to follow them. We went to the next lane to a joint that sells delicious hot vegetable patties.

We parked our vehicles, O on the same side and S and I on the opposite side of the road. We went in, quickly ate and came out in about 10 minutes.

As we walked out I saw that there were about 6 to 8 cows of varying sizes standing very close to my motorcycle. There was no way I was going near them…I’m mortally scared of cows (long story…some other time!). So I gave my keys to S and told him to bring my bike to this side.

He started walking across and suddenly stopped in his tracks and started laughing hysterically. I called out to him, “What’s the matter ?” He was laughing so hard, he could only gesticulate asking me to come a bit closer to see what he saw. As I walked across the road, I saw what he saw and, after an initial shriek, I too started laughing like crazy.

Guess what I saw ? A black cow was eating a large patch of my bike’s seat cover !

Needless to say, O and M too cracked up and between fits of laughter we managed to shoo away the cows and prevent them from gobbling up all of it ! :)

Fear of inadequacy

2009-07-10T18:53:00.000+05:30

Today a friend shared a quote by Nelson Mandela. It goes:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

I said to her that it’s an amazing thought but I’ll have to think a lot about this to understand it well, since I have always believed that inadequacy is one of my biggest fears.

Later I received a message from M that RR, the playwright of KK, will be conducting a workshop with all actors on Sunday. It scared the hell out of me. RR is highly accomplished and experienced; and he wants to do a workshop with the actors M has chosen for the play he has written. I’m sure there will be some expectations, some preconceived ideas about how M’s group will be, because of M’s reputation as a talented director. I am so stressed out thinking how not to let my inadequacy be exposed. I am frightened beyond belief. I called M to ask him what RR intended to do and he said he didn’t know. I am now in an even worse state of mind. If I knew, I could at least prepare myself…at least mentally. I don’t want to fail my team and M. My mind is spinning something crazy right now. I’m really, really stressed…tears in the eyes and all.

I don’t know why I fear this so much. Is it because I think too highly of myself ? Is it because I can’t bear to disappoint people I like ? Is it because I expect too much from myself ? Well, I have no answers for myself right now. All I understand is that I have to attain a lifetime of wisdom to be able to understand what Nelson Mandela said.

For me, my present truth is that being inadequate is one of my deepest fears !

Prototype of a 'meant-to-be-with-each-other' couple !

2009-07-09T14:01:00.000+05:30

He feels she is stingy. She feels he is extravagant.

She can’t sleep with the fan on and he, without.

When he feels like going out, she doesn’t.

So on, so forth.

Or vice-versa.

If you are already with somebody and this rings true for you, you are with the person you are meant to be with.

If you are looking for someone, use this as a checklist. If you decide to ignore this and get together with somebody, you will later discover that this is true for you too.

There is no escaping this, my dears. Be warned ! :)

R for...Revival, R for...Rain :)

2009-07-08T12:57:00.004+05:30

It has been exactly a week since I began rehearsing for "Kashmir Kashmir" and I am feeling energised, alive and stimulated like never before.

The rains have finally arrived.

Replenishment. Renewal. Revival.

Kokan to Kashmir !

2009-06-29T17:52:00.001+05:30

The last couple of days have been filled with thoughts, writing exercises and improvisations related to my play ‘Sahasrachandradarshan’ that is based in Kokan. Sahasrachandradarshan is a ceremony conducted to honour a person who has turned 80 years old. This is a play about a family from the present-day Kokan who gather together to celebrate the Sahasrachandradarshan of Aaji. In the course of events, some relationships are explored and some revisited and some stretched to their limits.

The mind is a funny thing ! In one improvisation of Sahasrachandradarshan, Pratibha and I are sitting outside the ICU where our 80-year old mother has been kept after suffering a stroke. The doctor takes his last round for the day and informs us that the situation is grave and could turn any which way over the course of the night. About two and a half years ago I had once done this improvisation with the girl who played Pratibha for the first couple of shows. During the last week I did it again with the new girl who will play Pratibha today. Although the starting premise of both the improvisations was same, they turned out to be very different from each other; but both times they succeeded in upsetting me greatly. I am amazed how, if one believes in the premise wholeheartedly, if one surrenders to the feeling completely, one can feel the situation as if it were occurring for the first time, with the same intensity.

Today and tomorrow night we perform shows of this play and from day-after tomorrow I begin rehearsals of my new play Kashmir Kashmir. It is, as the name quite clearly points out, about Kashmir. However it isn’t presented in a typical manner. It is totally whacky, crazy, sharp and intense in some parts. I am feeling very excited and very afraid at the same time. I will be leaving the familiar, safe confines of known relationships and family structure and entering into an abstract and extremely volatile zone…that too overnight. The only common factor is the idyllic natural beauty of the two.

Flight Kokan to Kashmir is ready for departure…please fasten your seat-belts…ignore the queasiness in your stomach…once the flight is in air, you will feel better…Bon Voyage to me !

Zaadé

2009-06-18T18:13:00.002+05:30

3 years ago the trees transformed my life. It didn’t happen overnight, like a military coup or a revolution. It gradually grew in my heart, in my sub-conscious, and by the time I started realising it, the transformation was well under its way. I consciously allowed it thereafter…pushed it along and am still doing so. It started off as a simple poetry presentation program, one that I was even slightly reluctant to be a part of initially, since till then poetry had never excited me at all…perhaps I hadn’t taken the effort to understand and appreciate it.

My dear friend Aa loves poetry. He researched Marathi poems for the last 100 years and selected poems related to trees. Then he went through the arduous task of sorting them and aligning them in a theme. He shortlisted 51 such poems and wove them in a theme. There are no narrations. Each poem is itself also a connector to the next poem. We didn’t want it to be just another poetry recitation program. We wanted it to enter people’s hearts and minds, create an impact. We wanted each person who watched our program to deeply feel it…and we had absolutely no idea how we were going to approach this ! So we, a group of 5 performers launched ourselves into a process. Eventually 1 flautist and 1 percussionist joined us as well. We began by just playing around with the poems…we played a lot of theatre games, did some intense theatre exercises, did some movement work…talked nineteen to the dozen on some days instead of rehearsing and finally came up with a structure for the program. As a part of the process, we visited the hills and did some work there, learnt about trees, planted saplings, went to Pune University to look at trees, shared our tree memories etc. We kept on experimenting and went on putting the jigsaw pieces in place. We finally had a one-hour poetry presentation program – Zaadé…maateechya manateel kavita (Trees…poems from the heart of the earth). It has some singing, some choreography, some body sculptures, some plain recitation (memorized, of course!) and some dramatization. The flute, percussions and lights add to the effect. It tells the story of trees. It is multi-layered and very simple at the same time.

All this is just a brief description of what happened at the surface level. At a spiritual level, we all experienced great changes within and around us. By the time we were ready for the first show, it no longer was a program for us. It meant much more. To date we lovingly call each other “trees”. We are all very finely tuned to each other even if we do not meet each other for long periods of time.

We went on to have a run of very well appreciated 25 shows. This journey was quite eventful. Thrice we came to a point where we told each other that for lack of funds the next show would be the last one…and miraculously, each time, somebody would, without being asked, give us a donation or sponsor a show ! Aa had decided that we would stop at 25 and thus we did.

Since we stopped, many of us ‘trees’ have been longing to experience Zaadé again. Even when we stopped at 25, some of us were reluctant. Every now and then one or a couple of others would bring up the topic of its revival. Somehow it never materialised. Since the last month, all of a sudden, I started feeling a pressing need to revive Zaadé. Surprisingly, at the same time, 3 others too expressed the same feeling. We started touching base with the remaining. They are taking a little longer to sprout.

Day before yesterday we “trees” decided to meet to discuss this. One didn’t turn up and also conveyed some reluctance. One did turn up and conveyed some reluctance. Another who is out of the country but will be here shortly for a short duration conveyed a negative response. The rest of us are ready and raring to go. I was bordering on depression when I heard this. But I allowed myself some time out and thought back to the time when we first put up Zaadé and I recollected that some trees will take longer to grow, but grow they will. Persistence and consistency. That is the key. And hope. And above all, love. I grew calm as I realised this. I consciously decided that I am putting my faith and love in this.

The one who came but conveyed reluctance had some questions. We spoke. While speaking, we, the ones who are raring to go, were telling about our respective motivations to revive Zaadé. I said, “For me, Zaadé meant much more than a theatrical presentation. It is spiritual for me. I have done several plays and have experienced transformation as an actress and as a person but none as powerful, none as magical, none as calming as Zaadé. I don’t know why but I feel the pressing need to experience that magic again.”

My all-time favourite book is “The Little Prince” by Antoine Saint d’Exupéry. Each time I read it, I find new meaning in it. My sensibilities are renewed and enriched and I move ahead with them. With these I read it again and yet once more I find new meaning in it and my sensibilities are renewed and enriched and I move ahead with them…the journey is yet on. Zaadé is like that for me…perpetuity...the never-ending story in my life :)

As I write this, the one who conveyed a negative response has communicated and I sense that this one is going to sprout soon :)

Faith, and love, works :)

Flower memories...revsited

2009-06-12T17:16:00.002+05:30

This is a revisited post from 5 years ago. I found this while sorting old documents and while reading I felt very refreshed. Good memories need to be refreshed every now and then. So here is the 'flower'-post revisited:

I was speaking to a friend and said, I feel like writing today...suggest a topic...and he said, why don't you write about flowers ? So here goes...I'm writing about flowers.

Although I'm reasonably fond of flowers, I don't go into raptures over them. I like flowers...different flowers hold different meanings and memories for me...and that is what I'll share today.

I had read somewhere that Carnations are given at death occasions - wakes, on coffins, on graves etc., but they never give me that feeling...I just love Carnations...their cut petals, their shape and different colour combinations.

Dahlia brings back memories of the bungalow we stayed in as soon as we shifted to Pune. It had a huge garden...almost four times the size of the house...and was full of different varieties of flowers...especially a whole lot of Dahlia flowers. I have fond memories of that garden and those Dahlia flowers.

I remember one occasion...there was a huge function organised in hounour of Pt. Jasraj and I was one of the volunteers. It was decided to have a decoration of Marigold flowers...and so about 20 of us sat for hours together making Marigold garlands and decorating the hall. It was hilarious...the whole hall was orange-mango... everywhere around us there were huge heaps of Marigold...and my friend and I were laughing something wicked continuously... and today I don't even remember why. Afterwards the smell didn't leave my hands for hours...it wasn't so funny then !

We were in Mumbai till I was in the 5th standard. We had a ground floor flat and it had a small garden as well. In our garden, there was this Prajakta tree. Although it was quite short, it would be filled with hundreds of flowers...tiny orange stem and delicate white petals. Each day I would pick the flowers from beneath the tree and count as I picked them...I would get tired of counting after 300 !! I love the smell and delicateness of Prajakta.

My maternal grandmother's garden in Pune had a large variety of flowers...right above the gate of the bungalow, there was Madhumalati. It has a mild fragrance...pink and white combination flowers with long stems. We used to take those flowers and make garlands or wreaths. There is a specific way to do this by just intertwining the stems together. It was a fun summer vacation activity. Then there were the Aboli and Gulbakshi flowers...Aboli was delicate and peach in colour (actually, in Marathi, aboli = peach colour!) and Gulbakshi was delicate as well, but was, well, gulbakshi, in colour :) The English equivalent of gulbakshi colour is magenta, I believe. Then there were the closed jaswanda (hibiscus)...light red in colour and the open jaswanda, rich red in colour. My aaji (grandmother) used to take all dried jaswanda flowers and make jaswanda oil for me...its very good for the hair. The flower that I remember the most from aaji's garden is Magnolia..I never knew which flower it was until very recently when I saw a picture on the net and realised that it was the same one from my aaji's garden. As far as I remember, it had a intoxicating fragrance..a bit sharp, a bit sweet.

By default, in all weddings, functions, the Mogra (Jasmine) gajra is given to ladies. In weddings the bride wears a whole lot of Mogra gajras in her hair. When I was little, when given a Mogra gajra, I'd prefer to wear it at the side of my head, perpendicular above my ear...one end fixed in the hair with a pin and the other end left dangling. This would ensure that with each movement, the gajra would come on to the face and I'd smell the fragrance. In fact, I'd move my head at the slightest pretext :))) Today it seems hilarious...it must have looked very funny ! :)

In the month of Shraavan (as per the Hindu lunar calendar), there is this interesting ladies get-together function called haldi-kunkoo. There, along with some seasonal dishes and uselful little gifts, Sonchapha flowers are also given. The stem is short, thick and green and usually has 1 or 2 green leaves. The petals are thickish and golden-yellow in colour...and the fragrance...so sweet..indescribable ! I love to place the Sonchapha flowers in a flat dish with little water...the fragrance fills the room and makes you feel pleasant.

While in college, Gladiola and Rajnigandha were the two flowers I always presented to others on occasions...I really can't tell you why I like those two...I don't really know...but I feel they're like the friends you may meet only once in a while and still feel comfortable with...your friendship is not boisterous...its just warm and reassuring.

In school I'd read "Daffodils" By Wordsworth and I had this strong urge to see daffodils like he had. Then much later in college I read somewhere that from his home he could see a mountain covered with daffodils and that inspired him to write this poem. Nowadays whenever I remember daffodils, the phrase "fields of gold" comes to my mind.

Yet another poem from school is deeply etched in my mind...because it was funny, gave me a sense of "what if not" in a humourous way...The Topsy Turvy World by W. B. Rand (I think)...it painted quite a few queer pictures...one of which was "If Buttercups ate cows" ! I hadn't even seen a picture of a Buttercup, leave alone the actual flower, but this imagery greatly amused me. To date I haven't seen the real flower...just its pictures. Ever since, whenever I think "Buttercups", I think, "If Buttercups ate cows" :)))

In office whenever a colleague celebrates a birthday, we present him/her with a Gerbera flower. I started this custom in office and I insisted that it be a Gerbera flower. I like them a lot. The colours are fresh, rich. They stay fresh for at least a week. Just one Gerbera can liven up a room.

When we first came to Pune we were living in a rented bungalow. Then we moved to our own home in a lane that is open only on one side...the other ends on the hill. It is a log winded lane, with a steep slope and lined with all imaginable trees. Of these, I loved the flowers I call Laburnum (recently somebody told me that, that might not be the real name of these flowers). They are bright yellow in colour...very very sunny...and the most important feature...they hang in bunches like grapes. Really. It looks like a large bunch of bright sunny grapes. Whenever I climb up the lane (yes, the slope is so steep that we have fallen into the habit of saying "climb up/down the lane"), I see them and feel sunshine inside me. Inside our building compound, there is this Gulmohar tree. When we were in school, my brother and I would pick up the fallen buds, open them up and eat the insides !! The peels of the buds we'd stick to our nails and scare each other pretending to be demons :)

Now for the flower that I love the most...Bakul. They look like delicate little beige-brown buttons with cut borders....and the fragrance ? TO DIE FOR ! :) I cannot put in words what I feel about the Bakul.

Phew...turns out I have a lot to share about flowers...I didn't think it would be this long ! :) Well, its a good thing I wrote...I revisited all those old memories, places and am feeling refreshed now :)

Change…

2009-06-10T18:51:00.000+05:30

Change is one of the things that I find extremely daunting. I believe most people do.

As is my habit, I imagine some scenarios that I want to or I find likely to happen in the future. As I detail out each scenario in my mind, I come up with all the possible alternative situations and their implications on other factors, the thing that bothers me is the loss that follows change. There are thousands of books written about millions of techniques of ‘managing’ change. I find that they help only in rationalising the loss and acceptance of and adjustment to the ‘new’. At least that is how it works for me.

I understand, intellectually, that this is completely in tune with the law of nature. The old has to make way for the new. Still I mourn the loss of the old. My sentimental side wants to hold on to some parts of the old and assimilate them into the new. It is not always possible. That is what I feel upset and helpless about.

I was mulling over all this and simultaneously reading through my emails and here is what I stumbled upon – a quote by George Bernard Shaw, a writer I greatly respect:

“When people shake their heads because we are living in a restless age, ask them how they would like to live in stationary one, and do without change.”

Oh well ! Sigh !

I guess I am, as always, desiring the best and the most of all worlds ! :)

When it rains, it pours… !

2009-06-02T18:57:00.000+05:30

It does. Really.

For months now I have lamented the fact that I have not been on stage and that I have been inactive in theatre for a very long time. Suddenly in the last few days things have begun happening…and how !

Just check out my June calendar…

Since yesterday I have begun directing a skit for the final day presentation of the theatre workshop that ends on the 7th. On the 8th I begin directing another small skit for a show of historical plays that will take place on the 14th. In the meantime, from the 9th I will begin rehearsing for a long play in which I will be acting. From the 15th we begin rehearsals of two plays that we are reviving. Simultaneously, I, along with a couple of others, have initiated the process for the revival of our poetry presentation program that we intend to begin performing from July. So there is preparatory work to be done for the same. This morning I got a call from my dear M asking me if I would like to be in the next play that he is directing. Obviously I said yes. The rehearsal schedule for that is likely to being towards the end of June.

Phewwwww !!!

A couple of years ago, I was in a similar situation…I was performing in 4 plays that were running simultaneously. This time I have surpassed myself…the count has gone up to 5.

I love doing a lot of work…especially creative work, challenging work…I simply looooooovvvvve it !

Slurrrrrppppppppppp ! :)

Sometimes I can’t help but laugh inwardly…

2009-05-26T18:39:00.004+05:30

at some people for their sheer inability to see what they are.

There is this poor guy who is ambitious but lacks focus and isn’t steady or loyal. He also has no opinions of his own. All are formed based on hearsay. He avoids clarity in communication. He has no inkling of all this.

गुळाच्या ढेपेला कश्या मुंग्या येतात न, तसा हा जातो जिथे जिथे काही 'मोठ' घडताना दिसेल। पण त्याच्या लक्षात येत नाही की लोकांना त्याच्यापेक्षा जास्त समजत। किम्मत करतात लोक त्याची। मला हसूच येत ! बिच्चारा !

It sounds mean, but I know that he will pay for his stupidity and it really makes me laugh to think about it. I laugh when I see when he thinks he has manipulated people or situations when actually, people are just being kind or patient.

Poor poor dear. I can only laugh :))))))

When was it that I wrote last ?

2009-05-25T19:03:00.000+05:30

That’s how I am feeling right now. Dull, exceptionally slow and most of all, terribly sleepy ! I’ve felt like this all day and have pestered L with my constant declarations of, “I’m so sleepy, I want to go home !”.

The last week went by in a flurry of tending to the needs of the auditors. The weekend was even more hectic, but enjoyable. I saw 2 movies…both Marathi, one long-overdue and one on the day of its first presentation in Pune.

Harishchandrachi Factory is the movie I absolutely loved. It is based on the life of the father of Indian Motion Pictures, Dadasaheb Phalke. I can’t believe that a biopic has been made so entertaining and enjoyable and fun ! There is not as much as a squeak about how its maker was a visionary, how great he was or any such thing. There was no ‘agenda’. It is a film with a heart. It reflects the genuine spirit, the lightness, the passion that he had. The makers of this film seem to have the same genuineness, lightness and passion and thus it reached out to me so well. I have been strongly recommending it to all I know. I intend to see it again, of course :)

When you spend such a lovely weekend, it is so very difficult to go to office on Monday. I feel so bound and restricted. Today too I was not feeling like writing at all, but I felt a little ashamed of having neglected my writing for almost the whole of last week and thought, I’ll write exactly what I’m feeling right now…let the thoughts flow and not be critical of myself. Thus this post has turned out to be what it is ! :)

Now I’m off to rehearsal…after ages…for the play we are scheduled to perform on 27th. I’m a bit scared…I can’t remember my lines at all right now ! Hopefully I shall remember when I begin rehearsing with my co-actors.

P. S. I have a secret…and I’m not telling !

Getting caught in the moment

2009-05-19T18:33:00.001+05:30

The other day a friend of mine rightly remarked about me…I get caught in the moment. I am 100% present where I am at that moment, but once I am elsewhere, there I am ! What she meant was I don’t touch base with my people as often as I should.

I agree totally. It is not as if I don’t think of them. I think of them all the time. I am apparently yet to realise that thinking about people doesn’t equate to communicating with them.

My people, my family and my friends, all my loved ones are very important to me. If I so much as sense the smallest problem in the relationship, I get affected in a disproportionately big way. If my people are in problems, I am upset. I love to help my people and feel very frustrated in situations where I can’t. I am sure many of my dear ones think that I don’t feel for them.

I have regretted this habit often, but seemingly not enough for me to change my ways. I am trying to make amends…I don’t want to be taught this lesson in a harsh way !

I want to get to the point where I live in the moment, not get caught up in it !

Chalta hai !

2009-05-18T18:45:00.000+05:30

Recently, commissioned by the Director of a company, P executed a professional assignment for this company. When he raised his invoice, it included his professional fees, reimbursement of some expenses he had made on their behalf and conveyance expenses. The concerned people in Accounts Department called and told him that they would be rounding off conveyance to a higher amount. P protested and said that he wanted the exact amount and not more. They didn’t listen. Then, as the payment cheque came, P discovered that they had deducted tax on reimbursement and conveyance. So, later, the tax deduction certificate will show the wrong amount. That is not how we choose to operate. We want everything to be transparent, above board and precise.

So P got in touch with them and pointed out the discrepancy giving exact details of how the calculation ought to be. To this, they corrected their calculations and it turns out that they have paid a couple of hundred Rupees less to P. The way the concerned person had pointed out in his mail is as if P is a miser and has hankered for such a measly amount. P and I got really angry at this. We will now point out to him that it’s not a matter of a couple of hundred Rupees. It’s a matter of transacting business with precision and transparency. Also, we discovered, they have paid a couple of hundred Rupees more to another person involved in the same assignment due to this tendency to do work carelessly. A couple of hundred Rupees may be peanuts to the company or us, but it’s the principle of the thing. The attitude is wrong. How can they be at peace knowing that they are not doing their work precisely ?

I have seen this ‘chalta hai’ attitude in so many people, in so many spheres of life. It is extremely irritating and I fight against it whenever and wherever I can. But there still remain people and even organisations who will continue doing it ! Frustrating !

Reconnection...with places and people :)

2009-05-15T17:26:00.005+05:30

It is a day of reconnections...with people and places. Three days ago a long lost penpal sent me an email...and some more emails yesterday and some more today. She has apparently had a difficult life so far is trying to rebuild it. I wrote to her today. It was a strange feeling. My mind is thinking back to how we became penpals and the journey so far. Now that she has access to email, we will be far more regular and build many memories that we didn't back then.

A colleague is going on a vacation in the UK. He leaves for UK tomorrow. We were just discussing the logistics and my mind went back to last year when I went there and a flood of memories came rushing to my mind. I am so missing each and everything about UK ! It was by and far the best vacation I have ever had.

The mind is now spinning at warp speed with thoughts about reconnecting with lost friends and people.

Are we losing it ?

2009-05-14T18:09:00.001+05:30

The other day I read in the papers that a father stabbed his son since the son disobeyed him and kept watching a cricket match. A grandson killed his grandmother since she refuses to give him money to buy liquor. A teacher beat up a student for some trivial offence and the student later died on the injuries sustained. Apparently it is now routine for rejected lovers to kill their objects of affection.

These are extreme examples. There are so many instances where lives weren’t lost but there were disproportionately large reactions to, sometimes imagined, offences.

These instances have increased exponentially in the last couple of years. Why is the threshold of tolerance sinking so low so quickly ? We are supposedly a tolerant people. Then what’s with the constantly on-edge tempers ? Why is there so little understanding of and empathy towards other people ?

Have resources become so scarce, has peace of mind become so elusive, has life become so difficult to live, so complex to understand, that handling it all is impossible and thus manifests itself in these ways ?

I wonder.

I’m longing for a holiday !

2009-05-13T19:31:00.002+05:30

Since yesterday I’ve been longing for a holiday. I mean, normally every couple of days, each of us longs for a holiday, but it’s rarely specific. We keep saying that we’re longing for one and that’s about it.

My longing is more specific since yesterday. I have searched the Internet for such locations that I know I may not be able to afford time or expense wise :) But I had a great time reading up about locations ranging from Dapoli to Sikkim :) I read about the history, geography, culture, food and logistics of all places. I love knowing about new places, people, food, clothes, culture. It has been great to know about all these diverse regions. It has also increased my yearning !

How quickly we get bored when conforming to a routine ! At least I do. So, reading up about these different locations and imagining about taking vacations there provides a temporary escape :)

So, here’s a prayer that I’m sending up to the powers-that-be to facilitate my taking a vacation.

“O Powers-that-be ! Please help me take an exciting and enjoyable vacation to a picturesque place that isn’t too expensive or doesn’t take too long to reach. Amen !’ ;)